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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by waddles for desert   » Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:45 pm

waddles for desert
Admiral

Posts: 2414
Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:17 am

Ahhh,

What a cute little kitty cat!
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Wed Apr 03, 2013 8:59 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

waddles for desert wrote:Ahhh,

What a cute little kitty cat!


Image

<But no one has passed the test:>

Image

<A hint for the first one:>

Image Image

Mange

Modified for spelling error,

Oops
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:11 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Chief, "As I said before I don't want to get a big head but David Weber quoted one of Admiral Werrf's jokes in a Tweet:"

David Weber wrote:

@davidweber1 27 Mar

Quoting Werrf on the http://davidweber.net forums... "How do Manticoran sensor crews report no contacts on their watch?" "Not a Peep."


Mange, <Bye the bye he's my favorite jokester too. Some more of the wit of Admiral Werrf :lol: >

Admiral Werrf wrote:
There's got to be a joke about how many dolists does it take to screw in a lightbulb...

How many treecats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One hand.

How many Royal Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Lightbulb? Oh, no, they just had a slight navigational glitch and asked for directions. You can check with WO Harkness over there...


What did the pirate say when the Confederate officer blew his own fusion plant?
"That was silly."

How to Manticoran sensor crews report no contacts?
"Not a Peep."


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Honor.
Honor who?
On 'er way to another Death Ride, want to come?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
North Hollow.
North Hollow who?
Bang.
...
...
Hello?


Why do Rat Poison's assassins always do what they're told?
Because Nanny knows best.

How did Mesa get its name?
Somebody asked Jar-Jar Binks.


Did you hear about the Solly Admiral looking for a means of FTL communication? He figured the only thing that travels instantly is inheritance of the chain of command, and wiped out his whole command staff testing it.

A Manty civil servant, a Peep bureaucrat and a Solly mandarin walk into a bar. The Manty orders t-whisky, and when the barman hands him his change, he shoots the money.
"Why did you do that?" asks the Peep. "In the Star Empire, we have too much money," the Manty says.
So the Peep orders a beer, drinks it, then shoots the drip tray under the pumps.
"Why did you do that?" asks the Solly. "In the Peoples Republic, we have too many unproductive drains on society."
The Solly thinks really hard, then orders a glass of vodka. When he's finished, he shoots himself.


A grav lance walks into a bar and orders t-whisky. The bartender hands over the drink and says "That'll be $15, please."
The grav lance pats its pockets, looks embarassed and says "Sorry, I'm a little short."

What did the teenage treecat say when a female treecat walked past?
Cor, what a pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs...


A Hexapuma walked into a bar and said to the bartender "Give me a gin and......................................... tonic."
The bartender says "Why the big pause?"

Which part of the Manticoran constitution prevents the random killing of Hexapumas?
The native species protection claws.

What's the favourite method of countermissile bullies?
The wedgie.

What did the Apollo missile say to the Solly countermissile?
"Missed."


What's the difference between a Dolist and a leech?
Leeches are flexible.

What do you call two Legislaturalists with a Navy?
Space invaders.


What do you call a Dettweiler in Torch orbit?
Lost.

How many High Ridge government members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seventeen - one to screw it in, and sixteen to steal it from the Navy.


What do you call a treecat on Medusa?
A cat.

What do you get if you cross a hexapuma with a buzzsaw?
Another hexapuma.


What do you get if you cross High Ridge with an Apollo control missile?
A shot that knows exactly where it's going but has no idea what to do when it gets there.

What do you get if you cross a Superdreadnought's wedge with a Shrike?
A dispersal pattern.


What do you get if you cross Honor Harrington?
Dead.


---------------------------------------------------------
Posted this a while back, but it fits better here...

First, we must remember that the Star Empire of Manticore's existence is based entirely on the Manticoran Junction. Without the Junction, not only would the older Star Kingdom have been ploughed under by the Havenite forces, but there would never have been any reason for the Kingdom to expand into Basilisk, Trevor's Star or Lynx. Indeed, it would not be too much of a stretch to say that the Star Empire of Manticore should be considered the "Wormhole" empire.

Second, we must remember that much of the Star Empire of Manticore's wealth and power is based on its carrying trade. The Royal Manticoran Navy's very existence is based on that carrying trade, which means that wherever the Merchant Marine goes, the Empire goes with it. It is in fact safe to say that the Star Empire of Manticore "roams" over all known space.

With that in mind, I suggest that the Star Empire of Manticore should be renamed:
The Holey, Roamin' Empire.
--------------------------------------------------------


<Yes he's much better than you,>

Image

Poker & Mange
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Seawolf509   » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:36 am

Seawolf509
Captain of the List

Posts: 403
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2012 10:31 am

pokermind wrote:
Seawolf509 wrote:Now for the greatest challange treecats have ever faced... the feared



LAWYERS!!!!!!!!!!!


Mange, <The nice thing about being an imaginary character they can't serve a summons on you ;) >

Mange



Mange,

The fact that you believe that facts will get in the way of anything only proves how unfit you are for this battle.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by emeye   » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:02 pm

emeye
Commander

Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:57 am
Location: Wien

Oxana Dubroskaya would have been a "she" unless Russian family of languages changed beyond gender recognition in the intervening centuries...

pokermind wrote:Spoiler Joke from Shadow of Freedom

Mange, <Where did Vice Admiral Oxana Dubroskaya spend his rest vacation at the end of The Battle of Saltash?>

Chief, “Wasn’t he killed in the battle?”

<True, but after the battle his atoms rested all over the Saltash system.>




Poker & Mange
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:35 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Chief, "@emeye БЖА МОИ! how could I forget, sorry."

Image @Seawolf509 I'll Image with this fellow smart Alick. If you need more posts to make Fleet Admiral post a joke like:

Lawyers the only two-legs who can follow you through revolving door but come out ahead.>

Image

Poker & Mange
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:04 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Chief, "There's been lot of talk about lawyers and law suits in the forums of late so time for some lawyer jokes. OK 'cat why is a lawyer like a Sphinxian saber pike?"

Mange, <I don't know but I'll Image with them anyway!"

"They eat their own kind."

Mange shaking his head, <I know I'll regret this but do you got another?>

"The Devil built a fence between Heaven and Hell the Devil being the Devil took in part of Heaven.

"God said, 'I'll take you to court!'"

"The Devil said, 'Good luck all the lawyers are on my side of the fence.'"

<Smart Alick,> Image

Poker & Mange

PS I sat with the law students at college and they traded lawyer jokes ;)

PSS Guy and Gals any other lawyer jokes?
.
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by emeye   » Sun Apr 07, 2013 10:36 am

emeye
Commander

Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:57 am
Location: Wien

There are no lawyer jokes.

It's all true.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Spacekiwi   » Mon Apr 08, 2013 12:07 am

Spacekiwi
Admiral

Posts: 2634
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2011 3:08 am
Location: New Zealand

emeye wrote:There are no lawyer jokes.

It's all true.



Why did the scientists stop using rats and using lawyers in their experiments?

1. lawyers breed faster.

2. people like rats.

3. there are some things even a rat wont do.



XD
`
Image


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
its not paranoia if its justified... :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by emeye   » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:50 am

emeye
Commander

Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:57 am
Location: Wien

Why did a lawyer cross the road?

To sue everyone on the other side.
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