Topic Actions

Topic Search

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 36 guests

Safehold Humor or lack thereof

This fascinating series is a combination of historical seafaring, swashbuckling adventure, and high technological science-fiction. Join us in a discussion!
Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by pokermind   » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:19 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

I just posted the following in Honoverse forum's Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. Perhaps some of you others might have age of sail nautical jokes to share Well here's the place. The joke:

Arrr ye skervey skraney bilge rats this be National Talk like A Pirate Day in the USA a pirate joke for ye to shiver yar timbers:

Jolly ole England Ralphie spots his friend Jamie who he hadn't seen in years,

Ralphie "Jamie is that you?"

Jamie "Aye mate. 'Er ye Ralphie"

After the hugging and black slapping Ralphie says, "I could hardly recognize you with your peg-leg, eye-patch, and a hook for a hand. Where in the name of God have you been?"

"Arrr the night I left you in the pub I ran afoul of a press-gang and joined the Royal Navy."

"That's awful, how did you loose your leg?"

"Arrr twas again' the Barbary Pirates a canon ball came through the ship and took me leg. But we had a good ship's carpenter and he whittled out me peg."

"How did you loose your hand?"

"Arrr twas again' the New World Pirates, they board us and a Pirate cutlass took me hand. But we had a good ship's blacksmith and he made me this hook."

"How did you loose your eye?"

"Arrr I looked up to the main top gallants and got some seagull poo in the eye."

"Seagull poo shouldn't have put out your eye?"

"Arrr did happen the day after I got me hook worse luck."

Arrr Poker
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by rocket_scientist   » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:34 pm

rocket_scientist
Commander

Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:00 am
Location: Tucson, AZ USA

How many Shulerites does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Only one, and you will suffer in pain and agony while I torture your body to save your soul if you do not confess your Shan-wei worship and give up even thinking of something like a light bulb!


moments later . . .

Oh Shoot! Now I thought about a lightbulb! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!




How many people does it take to change Clyntahn's mind?


Only one, but he, er um She, a, IT isn't exaclty a 'people'



How many people does it take to blow CLyntahn's mind?


None. Just 3 micro-SNARCs, an ear drum, and a 34 second head start to get into possition



Sorry, they seem to be coming over me like a wave!
Note: name change from mbushroe
Last edited by rocket_scientist on Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by rocket_scientist   » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:38 pm

rocket_scientist
Commander

Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:00 am
Location: Tucson, AZ USA

anti spamming filter
Last edited by rocket_scientist on Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by rocket_scientist   » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:42 pm

rocket_scientist
Commander

Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:00 am
Location: Tucson, AZ USA

is spam forbidden by the Proscriptions? ;)
Last edited by rocket_scientist on Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by pokermind   » Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:10 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Warning a Spaming program is workig its way down until Duckk throws poster and posts off the cite things will get wierd. Wanta know what it looks like just visit Honorverse forum. Now back to the last joke, Poker

rocket_scientist wrote:
How many people does it take to blow CLyntahn's mind?


None. Just 3 micro-SNARCs, an ear drum, and a 34 second head start to get into possition



Sorry, they seem to be coming over me like a wave!


Ah what the hell, how does a slash lizard hide from hunters?

Pints claws red, hides in trees and hunters think it's cherry tree.

reworked 1960s era elephant joke <G>

Poker
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by tinfoil   » Tue Sep 18, 2012 2:20 pm

tinfoil
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:30 pm

How many Schulerites does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero.
You are not ALLOWED to change anything, or face the Inquisition.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by pokermind   » Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:30 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

How does a dead Inquisitor cross the road?

In the guts of a slash lizard. :)

What do you get when you cross an Schuylerite Inquisitor and, Lieutenant Aplyn-Ahrmahk?

A slow pryer followed by a quick execution. :)

Poker
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by rocket_scientist   » Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:40 pm

rocket_scientist
Commander

Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:00 am
Location: Tucson, AZ USA

What happens when you hand the former Duke of Zebadiah the latest in Charisian artillery?


POP goes the WEASEL!


What is more dangerous that a room full of angry Inquisitors, waving swords and yelling out "Death to the Heretics" "Langhorne and No Mercy" ?



One Imperial Guardsman
(but it has to be the RIGHT Imperial Guardsman!)




What is more dangerous that a room full of angry Inquisitors, waving swords and yelling out "Death to the Heretics" "Langhorne and No Mercy" ?



Ahnzhelyk Phonda
(SHE plans ahead!)



to be fair to the original, or at least from the earliest I remember, Bab 5

What is more dangerous that a locked room full of angry Inquisitors, waving swords and yelling out "Death to the Heretics" "Langhorne and No Mercy" ?



Clyntahn with a key


And finally

What is more dangerous than the Rakurai itself!?



Clyntahn with The Key!
Last edited by rocket_scientist on Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by Morden   » Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:33 am

Morden
Lieutenant Commander

Posts: 146
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:28 pm

How do you know when Rayno has a good idea? Clyntahn's butt lights up
Top
Re: Safehold Humor or lack thereof
Post by pokermind   » Sun Sep 23, 2012 5:29 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Merlin, "Chicken lizard does taste just like Terran chicken, and it has one big advantage."

Cayleb,"Oh, and what might that be?"

Merlin, "Six drumsticks!"

Poker
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
Top

Return to Safehold