Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

jchilds wrote:

darrell wrote:The best humor IMO comes from the novels themselves. For example, here is a passage from AAC:

"Well, Sir Thomas," Honor said cheerfully, "if you want something to give you real nightmares, you might consider that hexapumas—which, you know, are just a little bigger—have exactly the same sort of claws. Of course, their claws tend to be eight or nine centimeters long. Which is why we Sphinxians never go into the bush unarmed."

"Your Grace," Caparelli said, "if I were a Sphinxian and knew about hexapuma claws, I wouldn't go into the bush at all!"

"We do lose the occasional tourist," she said, straight-faced.

I wonder what will happen if hexapumas ever develop a taste for celery?

Well its a little too big to sit on Honor's other shoulder

Attempted assassination of an abolitionist Crown Prince - $26,875,000.

Operation Rat Poison - $250,000,000.

Detweiler's reaction to Beowulf taking his programmed "muscle memory" based mind control nano viruses and turning them into a mass marketed ED cure - Priceless.

What did Rob S. Pierre say to Honor after 4th Yeltsin?

Honor you sank my battleship.

Two Mesa agents walk into a bar, One is a very attractive brunet alpha female and the other is an overly busty blond female beta. They note two Manty and one Greyson officers sitting at one end of the bar-top just under a beam with an underhanging lamp. The Mesa agents superb hearing tells them they are talking about all the new tree cats around. The alpha says to the beta lets go see what we can learn and then slip some poison into their drinks. The beta then says no way those Mantys are from Sphinx! and I have seen that tape. The alpha then replies: Do you see any tree cats?

the beta: Well no.... ok i gess its safe.

the alpha: That's why I am the alpha.

they then walk upto the three officers and put a hand on a shoulder of the Greyson whom happens to be sitting in the middle. He then looks up and turns beet red and starts to drull. The Alpha then smiles and says hello boys.


then all of a sudden the two tree cats that were playing spin the celery on top of then beam slash down

Hallofaman wrote:Two Mesa agents walk into a bar, One is a very attractive brunet alpha female and the other is an overly busty blond female beta. They note two Manty and one Greyson officers sitting at one end of the bar-top just under a beam with an underhanging lamp. The Mesa agents superb hearing tells them they are talking about all the new tree cats around. The alpha says to the beta lets go see what we can learn and then slip some poison into their drinks. The beta then says no way those Mantys are from Sphinx! and I have seen that tape. The alpha then replies: Do you see any tree cats?

the beta: Well no.... ok i gess its safe.

the alpha: That's why I am the alpha.

they then walk upto the three officers and put a hand on a shoulder of the Greyson whom happens to be sitting in the middle. He then looks up and turns beet red and starts to drull. The Alpha then smiles and says hello boys.


then all of a sudden the two tree cats that were playing spin the celery on top of then beam slash down

Chief, "Hey Mange what ya think of Hallofaman's joke?"

Mange, "Bleek, Bleek, bleek ..." <However he forgot to explain the rules of spin the celery. We treecats can't use the human rules of spin the bottle since we don't wear clothes so it is a gambling game.>

"Oh?"

<Yes, the winner gets to eat the celery pointing at him, the looser gets to put down another piece of celery and then spin.>

"Ugh, how do you know which end of the celery wins?"

<Ever heard of a 'catfight?> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek ..."

.

Mange, <We're near the bottom again, chief. Got a joke?>

Chief, "Not Honorverse humor but one I posted in Free Range the Obama gay marriage thread. Remember the old joke about an atheist in a suit in his casket, 'All dressed up and nowhere to go.'"

Mange, <That's a ten on my groaner meter!>

"There was a better one in that thread:"

Daryl wrote:Dscott8, your comment of
"They also ignore Jesus' saying "I bring a new covenant", which means that all previous bets are off (you can eat a ham sandwich now), and his pronouncement that "love God, and love your neighbor as yourself" is the whole of the law."
reminds me of the joke where a Catholic Priest and a Rabbi strike up a friendship, and over a few glasses of red wine exchange confidences. In response to the question "Have you ever secretly broken a core rule of your creed?" the Rabbi admitted that he had eaten a ham sandwich, then the Priest admitted he had once had an affair with a woman in his congregation. After some silence and a couple of more glasses the Rabbi said "Beats a ham sandwich doesn't it?".

"Bleek, Bleek, bleek ..."
.

Mange <Chief we are on the bottom again why?>

Chief, "The jokers are on two other topics, New Ship Names, and The 2 thing I would like to see happen on Torch. Here is one from the The 2 thing I would like to see happen on Torch thread:"

Emo Otaku wrote:

dscott8 wrote:

Jonathan_S wrote:
"dreamrider wrote:

Don't be silly! That is the Mark 42.

dreamrider"

Presenting the Mark 42; the answer to [destroying] life, the universe, and everything?
[G]

DON'T PANIC!!!

I'm Fine I have my towel

Now if only I could get tea from the drinks dispenser (rather than a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea)

<Good thing we are on Grayson with all those antique tapes even the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy the original radio show by Douglas Adams no less. I'm surprised they didn't have the Great Green Arkel Sneezeer in a post.>

"What can you expect from primitive ape descended life forms on a little blue green planet orbiting an insignificant star?"

<And who would have thought they were part of the matrix of a gigantic organic computer called the earth commissioned by a bunch of tasty looking white mice?.>
"Bleek, Bleek, bleek ..."

Dear Ladies and gentlemen, the following program qualifies as truly groanworthy and thus is not recommended for persons under the age of 12 or suffering from delicate constitution in humor.

So, it just happened that Albrecht Detweiler Kicked the bucket, and Azrael, the angel of death came to collect him. Naturally he took dear Albrecht directly to the destination Below. Now, understandably that caused Albrecht some significant amount of distress.
But, as they left the elevator at their destination, he spotted something that cheered him up quite a bit.

"Well now, the eternal torment will be quite more endurable knowing that utter b....rd Cachat had preceded me here." He told Azrael.
"What? No. That's not Victor. That's Lucifer, and he only wishes he was Victor Cachat."

yannosh wrote:Dear Ladies and gentlemen, the following program qualifies as truly groanworthy and thus is not recommended for persons under the age of 12 or suffering from delicate constitution in humor.

So, it just happened that Albrecht Detweiler Kicked the bucket, and Azrael, the angel of death came to collect him. Naturally he took dear Albrecht directly to the destination Below. Now, understandably that caused Albrecht some significant amount of distress.
But, as they left the elevator at their destination, he spotted something that cheered him up quite a bit.

"Well now, the eternal torment will be quite more endurable knowing that utter b....rd Cachat had preceded me here." He told Azrael.
"What? No. That's not Victor. That's Lucifer, and he only wishes he was Victor Cachat."

On a related note, we all know that at some point Victor Cachat will pass to the great beyond... When that happens Azrael will collect his soul. Azrael will then have a problem, because Victor has killed quite a few people and doesn't regret that he did so. On the other hand he certainly is not an evil person. Eventually though Azrael will make a decision and deliver Victor to Lucifer.

Lucifer will spend some time examining Victor, not very much really, and will instruct Azrael to take Victor up to Heaven. Azrael will do so, and God will examine Victor and question him about all the deaths. Victor will be honest and say that with few exceptions he regrets none of them. God sighs and tells Victor that he cannot allow him in Heaven, and instructs Azrael to return Victor to Lucifer.

Lucifer, upon hearing that Azrael is bringing Victor back will contact God, and tell him that he will not allow Victor into his realm. When God asks why, Lucifer will tell him that it is because within one day Victor will be running the place, and Lucifer will be stuck somewhere in torment. After further discussion, it will be decided that Azrael will get a much needed vacation, and Victor will take Azrael place as the Angel of Death. Azrael will mumble that he has just been holding the spot for Victor anyway.

This will cause a massive die off of truly wicked people in the Universe, because Victor isn't going to wait for them to die, and both God and Lucifer are afraid to tell him to wait.

After this God will check his data collections and discover that known of the bad stuff that Horace Harkness did is still in the records.

Dear Ladies and gentlemen, the following program qualifies as truly groanworthy and thus is not recommended for persons under the age of 12 or suffering from delicate constitution in humor.

There is a fragmented form of an old Alphane document that tells of the beginning of the universe. What can be translated goes thus:

'And into the emptiness that was to become universe forty-two hexapedals spun themselves out of pure awsome...'
'...And the creators decided to name themselves "The People".'
'...And the radiant trifecta offered The People long green stalks it had created, if they would allow it to govern the universe in their stead... The People found this offer worthy'

Of the fall of Alphane civilization the only clue is an excerpt that translates to: '*bleep*, *bleep*, *bleep*, how the bleep could we have known that the... would kill all of the sacred stalks...'