Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

So, what's the difference between Honor Harrington and Joseph Byng?

One has smoldering good looks, the other's just smoldering.

A treecat robbed a bank in downtown landing this afternoon. Source report he did not have a pulsar, but was well armed.

Manticoran sports enthusiasts, frustrated by their inability to understand the complex rules of baseball, recently asked their Grayson friends how they were doing with converting their sport to use metric measurements.

The Grayson authorities replied "Well, we're making progress, but only inch by inch."

The Solarian Navy recently asked its most experienced admirals to design new classes of warship.

Admiral Byng's designed class had no weapons at all, but powerful enough nodes to flee any Manticoran battlecruiser. It is known as the I'm Late For-class.

Admiral Crandall's design didn't bother with anything inside the hull, concentrating on drawing crude imagery on the outside. It is known as the Total Lack Of-class.

Admiral Rajampet's design was a radical departure that completely eschewed any sensors, leaving it oblivious to anything going on around it. He called it Solarian Ruling-class.

As a guest of the League, Admiral Parnell was also invited to submit a guest design. He turned in a blank sheet of paper, the full design blueprint of Cordelia Ransom's-class.

A young midshipman found out that he was being assigned to Honor Harrington's spaceship. The first thing he did was call his mother, and told her to call the cemetery on his home planet and ask for a burial plot.

One day, Raoul got too curious about why he had two moms. He found Emily-Mom's purse on the ground. He looked at her old hovercar license. He came to the conclusion that he had two moms because Emily-mom got an 'F' in sex.

Mange, <We are on the bottom of the page again, Chief. What's happening in the Forum?>

Chief, "Well the Honorvers vs Trekie thread had the following:"

twistedpuppy wrote:

Mitchell, Esq. wrote:Actually...more interesting than Hemphill & an engineer...

A Klingon with the hots for Adm. Gold Peaks.

"He sent me what?" Mike gasped.

"A sword of some kind, an alien animal, and a foul tempered one at that, with suggestions on how to consume it. Apparently do don't kill it first...and poetry. It's a story of a traveler who had gone a long way to find his beloved, who is a warrior princess. He woos her, fights a grand battle for her, and they fall in love, then die togther in a furious attack against great odds." said the Flag Lt.

"Honor will never let me live this one down..." Mike said.

"Well, cheer up, Admiral. Here, I'll get you a glass of something else he sent. Romulan Ale...looks like you need a double." said the steward.

Actually, it might be more like the scene from "Galaxy Quest" if Artemis'wedge is too close to the transporter beam:

Klingon Admiral Ketrick, hearing screams from Artemis'flag bridge after transporting his tokens of affection for Admiral Gold Peak:

"Lady Gold Peak, is everything alright there?"

"Yes... yes... everything is fine..." Michelle replied in a shaky voice.

"But the animal is inside out," said Gwen.

FOOM!!

"And it exploded."

Heck, the Klingon admiral might be lauded on Klinshai for inventing new cuisine.

<Yes either is funny, but I got one better remember that video we saw, Monty Python and The Holy Grail?> At the Chief's nod Mange continues, <What would a Soli Admiral say on seeing a Grand Alliance fleet?>

"OK I'll bite what?"

<Run away, run away!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

"OK, and then the Manticorian Admiral asks the Grayson preacher who orders, 'Brother Weber bring The Weapon That Shall Not Be Named.'

"'Armaments Chapter Five Verses one to five

'And low the evil Honorverse Fans fashioned the LACs armed with TWTSNBN crewed with telepathic treecats with Medusan Nomad Marines and attached to the hulls of frigates. ...'"

Mange, <Run away, run away for tis the mighty Duckk wielding his all mighty Ban Hammer!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

Poker

pokermind wrote:Mange, <We are on the bottom of the page again, Chief. What's happening in the Forum?>

Chief, "Well the Honorvers vs Trekie thread had the following:"

twistedpuppy wrote:

Mitchell, Esq. wrote:Actually...more interesting than Hemphill & an engineer...

A Klingon with the hots for Adm. Gold Peaks.

"He sent me what?" Mike gasped.

"A sword of some kind, an alien animal, and a foul tempered one at that, with suggestions on how to consume it. Apparently do don't kill it first...and poetry. It's a story of a traveler who had gone a long way to find his beloved, who is a warrior princess. He woos her, fights a grand battle for her, and they fall in love, then die togther in a furious attack against great odds." said the Flag Lt.

"Honor will never let me live this one down..." Mike said.

"Well, cheer up, Admiral. Here, I'll get you a glass of something else he sent. Romulan Ale...looks like you need a double." said the steward.

Actually, it might be more like the scene from "Galaxy Quest" if Artemis'wedge is too close to the transporter beam:

Klingon Admiral Ketrick, hearing screams from Artemis'flag bridge after transporting his tokens of affection for Admiral Gold Peak:

"Lady Gold Peak, is everything alright there?"

"Yes... yes... everything is fine..." Michelle replied in a shaky voice.

"But the animal is inside out," said Gwen.

FOOM!!

"And it exploded."

Heck, the Klingon admiral might be lauded on Klinshai for inventing new cuisine.

<Yes either is funny, but I got one better remember that video we saw, Monty Python and The Holy Grail?> At the Chief's nod Mange continues, <What would a Soli Admiral say on seeing a Grand Alliance fleet?>

"OK I'll bite what?"

<Run away, run away!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

"OK, and then the Manticorian Admiral asks the Grayson preacher who orders, 'Brother Weber bring The Weapon That Shall Not Be Named.'

"'Armaments Chapter Five Verses one to five

'And low the evil Honorverse Fans fashioned the LACs armed with TWTSNBN crewed with telepathic treecats with Medusan Nomad Marines and attached to the hulls of frigates. ...'"

Mange, <Run away, run away for tis the mighty Duckk wielding his all mighty Ban Hammer!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

Poker

We build a giant wooden rabbit... then Honor, Miss Hearns, and Tomas jump out...

"I'm back! Sorry I haven't posted, been busy running my command area. Heres a Joke for you..."

"Oh Snowfire, still seems to be missing, I can tell you she isn't in Manticorian space or on Grayson. I'm starting to wonder if she is on Potsdam, or maybe even Haven..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young Solarian League Intelligence officer based on Sankar was shifting through reports from some of the low-level informants which the SLN had been able to get on Manticore.

Then he found a report which detailed a plan for a Grand Alliance Attack on the very system he was currently in. It gave vauge numbers, but what was in the report looked true enough that it could allow the Solarian League to set a trap and maybe even win against the 'invicible neobarbs.'

But rather than rush to his CO about it, he filed it away as 'unimportant' and continued on with his duties.

Two monthes later, as predicted by that report, a large attack befell the Sankar and it was taken with only two ship loses to the Grand Alliance.

While Grand Alliance tor apart the SLN Intelligence department, they found the report which warned of their attack, marked as 'unimportant.'

This puzzled even the Admiral who had led the fleet to Sankar. This could have saved this system from falling into their hands, so what officer could possibly ignore it?

Finding the young officer and shuttling him to an SD where all the senior officers of the GA fleet sat waiting.

The young officer was surpised, he had never thought he would be that important, and he asked why he had been brought from the POW camp to the SD.

"Well, Commander," The Admiral said, "We found the report about our fleet, from an informant which could have saved this system." He held up a peice of paper which was a hardcopy of the file. "Why did you mark it as 'unimportant?'"

"Oh!" The young officer smiles innocently, "Far be it from me to classify it wrong, but in proper SLN format, I didn't have the correct stamp. It's was to be marked 'Need-to-know' but 'unimportant' was as close as I could get to that rating without actually informing my CO."

"What?" The Admiral said, taking off his cap and running a hand through his hair.

"Admiral," The SLN Commander said patiently, "My superiors obviously misread just about everything before now, so their need-to-know is as follows:"

"They don't need their brains to know they're screwed."

PROFITABLE BUSINESSES IN THE HONORVERSE:

The clean undershorts concession at Sol system control when the Grand Alliance fleet comes over the hyper wall.

Mobile body-bag vendor following Victor Cachat.

Mail-order ads in the back of Manticoran comic books for pet salamanders (like the old sea monkey ads).

Talbott Quadrant Rent-To-Own furniture and household electronics.

dscott8 wrote:PROFITABLE BUSINESSES IN THE HONORVERSE:

Talbott Quadrant Rent-To-Own furniture and household electronics.

New from Zony: The Walkman, now you can can carry your music with you anywhere. Includes stereo play, 4 hour battery life, volume control, and handy carrying strap. Batteries not included, headphones extra. Call now!

Thirdbase wrote:New from Zony: The Walkman, now you can can carry your music with you anywhere. Includes stereo play, 4 hour battery life, volume control, and handy carrying strap. Batteries not included, headphones extra. Call now!

Or, for $40 per hour, the 427th SLN band.

Thirdbase wrote:

pokermind wrote:Mange, <We are on the bottom of the page again, Chief. What's happening in the Forum?>

Chief, "Well the Honorvers vs Trekie thread had the following:"

[Snip two funny stories for you to enjoy see above]

<Yes either is funny, but I got one better remember that video we saw, Monty Python and The Holy Grail?> At the Chief's nod Mange continues, <What would a Soli Admiral say on seeing a Grand Alliance fleet?>

"OK I'll bite what?"

<Run away, run away!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

"OK, and then the Manticorian Admiral asks the Grayson preacher who orders, 'Brother Weber bring The Weapon That Shall Not Be Named.'

"'Armaments Chapter Five Verses one to five

'And low the evil Honorverse Fans fashioned the LACs armed with TWTSNBN crewed with telepathic treecats with Medusan Nomad Marines and attached to the hulls of frigates. ...'"

Mange, <Run away, run away for tis the mighty Duckk wielding his all mighty Ban Hammer!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek"

Poker

We build a giant wooden rabbit... then Honor, Miss Hearns, and Tomas jump out...

Thirdbase forgot the shower in the wooden rabbit for namelessfly's mandatory shower scene but, the the rabbit would not be stealthy with all the fly buzzing.

The Mesans: "Oh you Manti knights (pronounced 'can-iguts') we shall taunt you some more!"

"Ni, ni, We want a shrubery!"

Mange, <The knights that say ni! Run away, run away!> "Bleek, Bleek, bleek" <The Chief is suffering from an accute attack of Monty Python-itis!>

Chief, "For those needing a Python fix, the Dead Parrot Sketch; from the Holy Grail, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch; and my personal favorite the Latin Lesson from Life of Brian:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVy4BrxpKGQ

Enjoy Poker

"Hey Pokermind! Nice to see you back on this thread. Got in quite a few jokes while you were away."

*Snowfire runs up to StarNght and pounces, gravity is enacted and StarNight falls over.*
< What did I miss? >

"Jokes, my dear treecat. And the bodily tackle was not needed." *Gets up and dusts off uniform.* "Anyways where have you been?"

< vacationing with Sharp Claw on Haven. >

"Please tell me next time you go running off, I don't like to think about what trouble you must have gotten in to."

"Bleek!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ways to annoy Honorverse Characters
Part II

1.Take a surrendered Sollie SD out of orbit and cross the hyper limit with only the bare minimum crew aboard to operate it's hyperdrive and sensors

1a. Arrive ar Haven with said SD (make sure you only have one) and see how long it takes form Havenite Home Fleet to freak out

2. Take quietly with a Havenite Treecat about something, when he signs something back snicker uncontrolably and glance in the direction of the treecat's human

3. Have a LAC crew paint one of their LACs with a sexy figure of Honor.

4. Have a LAC crew paint one of their LACs with a sexy figure of Hamish

Have them be in the same squadron with the rest being named after Honor/Hamish's friends.

Call it the "Slamander's loyal cadre"

5. Get Horace Harkness to hack BuPers records and change Honor's rank to Ensign and list all the midshipman as four star admirals.

6. Spike the eggnog

7. Traditional college joke: Put shaving cream on someone's hand while they are sleeping them tickly their nose.

8. Try to convice a treecat to dye their fur a different color.

9. Bug Honor about her hair and say she should get an Afro.

10. Some how attach the Queens throne to the roof of the Blue Room.

11. If you even find Thomas Theisman near a pool, push him in. (Make sure his 'cat is nowhere hear.)

12. Release a sphinxian chipmunk a ta formal dinner,

13. Wear one of Honor's dresses. (extra points if you are of the male gender.)

14. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_47KVJV8DU
'nuff said

15. put random sticky notes all over their desks

16. Drug Honor's cocoa.

17. Give Honor coffee that smells like cocoa

18. Drug anyone's coffee

19. Switch out sweetened ice tea with Unsweetened Ice Tea

19a. Make sure you have no clue where the sugar is

20. Paint a tomato like baseball, throw at a Grayson

21. play a random memopad game while in a meeting

22. Go for a joyride in a House of Winton stingship

23. Look guilty, see if anyone asks whats wrong, if they have a treecat run away

24. draw a mustache of anyone while they're sleeping (doesn't count if they already have one.)

25. Show everyone Honor's baby pictures.

XD