Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

In the large cover on Hell, Nimitz looks like a Pokemon. With those knee-high black boots, however, all Honor needs is a whip and a leather corset, and Namelessfly will need one of those showers he's always talking about -- a cold one.

dscott8 wrote:In the large cover on Hell, Nimitz looks like a Pokemon. With those knee-high black boots, however, all Honor needs is a whip and a leather corset, and Namelessfly will need one of those showers he's always talking about -- a cold one.

Scythe Clawed Wirlwind of Death I choose You

"Oh no. We will not be discussing Pokemon here."

*Snowfire comes running up and pounces up onto a nearby shelf*
< Why not? >

"Pokemon is not relivant to this thread. And where have you been?"

< Trying to break into Mange's locker. Saddly, I was unable to manage that. So I settled for swapping a few things around in Admiral Harrington's room at White Haven. >

"So when she comes head hunting, I get to blame you."

< I'm not scared, anyways, she's still looking for the person who hung that Solarian League flag in her/Hamish's bedroom. >

*Looks totally innocent*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jokes:
Alright lets put each character we can into a pokemon and give them four moves, just like in the games. Like so:

Honor Harrington:
A great military commander. Often found where ever the action seems to be.

Nature: Bold
Met at LEVEL 6 on BASILISK STATION.

Moves:
Bold Manuver: Creates a ship/fleet manuver no one else will ever be able to pull off again. Hits with recoil.

Calm Facade:
Stores energy in a calm facade. Next move is doubled the power. If used with BOLD MANUVER, it will startle other Pokemon during contests.

Coup de Vitesse:
Delivers mulitple blows to the foe. Hits from 1-6 times.

Honor:
A move which allows HP to be restored, but only if the foe has not trapped pokemon within a PRISON or SHIP BRIG

Sound good? Now someone do one for Thomas Theisman and lets have a HHverse pokemon battle.

AdmiralStarNight wrote:Jokes:
Alright lets put each character we can into a pokemon and give them four moves, just like in the games. Like so:

Honor Harrington:
A great military commander. Often found where ever the action seems to be.

Nature: Bold
Met at LEVEL 6 on BASILISK STATION.

Moves:
Bold Manuver: Creates a ship/fleet manuver no one else will ever be able to pull off again. Hits with recoil.

Calm Facade:
Stores energy in a calm facade. Next move is doubled the power. If used with BOLD MANUVER, it will startle other Pokemon during contests.

Coup de Vitesse:
Delivers mulitple blows to the foe. Hits from 1-6 times.

Honor:
A move which allows HP to be restored, but only if the foe has not trapped pokemon within a PRISON or SHIP BRIG

Sound good? Now someone do one for Thomas Theisman and lets have a HHverse pokemon battle.

I am proud to say that I have absolutely no clue what any of that means.

How do you confuse a Solarian?

Put him in a round room, and tell him there is a bribe in the corner.

Thirdbase wrote:I am proud to say that I have absolutely no clue what any of that means.

How do you confuse a Solarian?

Put him in a round room, and tell him there is a bribe in the corner.

"Good. Only pokemon fans would understand that joke. You are obviously not a fan of Pokemon, nor should you ever become one."

Snowfire: < Your joke is also quite funny. Maybe we should do that to a Solarian sometime soon. >

"Hush, don't give away all our plans Snowfire."

AdmiralStarNight wrote:"Oh no. We will not be discussing Pokemon here."

*Snowfire comes running up and pounces up onto a nearby shelf*
< Why not? >

"Pokemon is not relivant to this thread. And where have you been?"

< Trying to break into Mange's locker. Saddly, I was unable to manage that. So I settled for swapping a few things around in Admiral Harrington's room at White Haven. >

"So when she comes head hunting, I get to blame you."

< I'm not scared, anyways, she's still looking for the person who hung that Solarian League flag in her/Hamish's bedroom. >

*Looks totally innocent*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jokes:
Alright lets put each character we can into a pokemon and give them four moves, just like in the games. Like so:

Honor Harrington:
A great military commander. Often found where ever the action seems to be.

Nature: Bold
Met at LEVEL 6 on BASILISK STATION.

Moves:
Bold Manuver: Creates a ship/fleet manuver no one else will ever be able to pull off again. Hits with recoil.

Calm Facade:
Stores energy in a calm facade. Next move is doubled the power. If used with BOLD MANUVER, it will startle other Pokemon during contests.

Coup de Vitesse:
Delivers mulitple blows to the foe. Hits from 1-6 times.

Honor:
A move which allows HP to be restored, but only if the foe has not trapped pokemon within a PRISON or SHIP BRIG

Sound good? Now someone do one for Thomas Theisman and lets have a HHverse pokemon battle.

Chief, "Ugh,

Mange and I are marooned on Grayson, just why a machinist and his treecat apprentice were assigned to the Embassy is a mystery known only to the fools of the Admiralty placement office. So popping over to White Haven takes four "T" travel, just saying."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Mange, <Do you think the People's first metal bitter could not make a People proof lock, my sweet. You're real hottie Snowfire, Sigh, but you need the application of the Board of Eduction to the seat of the problem, to cure your light fingered ways, and I'm just the male to do it, youngling.>

<You can say anything you want, I sure you can try, but finding you way on to my Admiral's secret planet will be kinda... >

*StarNight quickly snatches up her treecat and takes off the translator and hugs the 'cat tightly enough to not permit movement.*

"No Snowfire, we don't talk about that. We are on Manticore at the moment. In Landing. At my Private residence. Do not go telling lies about secret planets, anyways how could I hide a whole planet from the universe?"

*Snowfire struggles free and signs*

< With your squadrons of course, you can chase anyone you don't want to know down. Anyways, as much as like to lie to two-legs about how I can't play poker, why would I lie about that? >

*StarNight has on her poker face at the moment.*

"Becasue you're my treecat, now hush up. Save the stories for the 'kittens back in your home clan."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a warm sunny day before the first war...

A Liberal Party Member from the House of Lords is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Liberal puppies, My Lord."

The Earl thinks that is so great that the next day he brings a Liberal friend from the House of Commons to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell her what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Centrist puppies.”

The Earl looks puzzled and says, “Yesterday, you told me they were Liberal puppies.”

The man smiles and says, “Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary."
~A random officer from the People's Republic of Haven
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A college professor in of Manticore's top universities, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes.”

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, “Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.”

His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Grayson Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold!

At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Grayson took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent . . . waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Grayson Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

“God was busy. He sent me instead.”

AdmiralStarNight wrote:<You can say anything you want, I sure you can try, but finding you way on to my Admiral's secret planet will be kinda... >

*StarNight quickly snatches up her treecat and takes off the translator and hugs the 'cat tightly enough to not permit movement.*

"No Snowfire, we don't talk about that. We are on Manticore at the moment. In Landing. At my Private residence. Do not go telling lies about secret planets, anyways how could I hide a whole planet from the universe?"

*Snowfire struggles free and signs*

< With your squadrons of course, you can chase anyone you don't want to know down. Anyways, as much as like to lie to two-legs about how I can't play poker, why would I lie about that? >

*StarNight has on her poker face at the moment.*

"Becasue you're my treecat, now hush up. Save the stories for the 'kittens back in your home clan."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a warm sunny day before the first war...

A Liberal Party Member from the House of Lords is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Liberal puppies, My Lord."

The Earl thinks that is so great that the next day he brings a Liberal friend from the House of Commons to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell her what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Centrist puppies.”

The Earl looks puzzled and says, “Yesterday, you told me they were Liberal puppies.”

The man smiles and says, “Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary."
~A random officer from the People's Republic of Haven
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A college professor in of Manticore's top universities, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes.”

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, “Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.”

His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Grayson Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold!

At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Grayson took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent . . . waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Grayson Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

“God was busy. He sent me instead.”

Our young joker also writes prose including Honorverse Fan-Fic If you like treecat Frisbee try this one:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7868637/1/Beneath_the_Mask

Poker

"I thank you for mentioning it here. But My writing is almost always serious. If you want a funny story then ask me to write one."

< She likes writing depressing stuff. I don't really like it. >

"That's because your a 'cat. You don't need to think about all this important stuff."

< But I do admit that the Frisbee part was somewhat accurate. >

"Thanks. And I was scanning a few pages back and found the song 'Banned from Argo' and desided to write an Honorverse parody of the filk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Banned from Landing.'

The old Havenite Light Cruiser RHNS Hannibal is famous(or infamous) for it's deicated crew... while in combat, its command team is one of Haven's better, though while on shore leave they seem to lose decorum. Against anyone's better judgement, it's crew is granted shore leave on Manticore in Landing and this is the result.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Havenite Senior Petty Officer with a few of his people gather on stage. A young ensign tunes a banjo and everyone takes their places.
This is a little inappropriate, but no swear words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Banned From Landing'

When we pulled into mantie's orbit in need of R&R,
The crew set out investigating every joint and bar.
We had high expectations of their hospitality,
But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we.



Chorus:
And we're banned from Landing, everyone.
Banned from Landing, just for having a little fun.
We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four,
But Landing doesn't want us any more.


The Captain's tastes were simple, but his methods were complex.
We found him with five courtesans, each of a different world I bet,
The Shore Police were on the way-we had no second chance.
We snatched him up in the nick of time-and the remnants of his pants.

Chorus

Our Engineer would yield to none at putting down the brew;
He out-drank seven tough marines and a demolition crew.
The Navigator didn't win, but he out-drank almost all,
And now they've got a pinnace on the roof of the Admiralty.

Chorus

Our experienced First Officer was drugged with something green,
And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene.
He sobered up in Sickbay and he's none the worse for wear,
Except he's somehow taught the computers how to swear.

Chorus

The Head SBA disappeared awhile from the scene,
Buying an odd green potion "guaranteed to knock 'em out."
She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart,
And a painful way of walking-with her feet a yard apart.

Chorus

Our lady of Communications won a ship-wide bet
By getting into the Manties communications net.
Now every time someone calls up on to their Admiralty,
The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen.

Chorus

Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet.
The Shore Police arrested him for inciting whores riot.
We found him in the city jail, locked on and got him free-
Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD.

Chorus

Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too.
He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do,
'Til the one day the king called and swore upon his life
That a gang of plants entwined the palace and then seduced his wife!

Chorus

A gang of privateers landed, and nobody seemed to care.
They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there.
Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play,
But the privateers only looked at us, and turned and ran away.

Chorus

Our crew is Haven's finest, and our record is our pride.
And when we play we tend to leave a trail a meter wide.
We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss;
At least we're sure that Manticore won't be quick forgetting us!

And we're banned from Landing, everyone.
Banned from Landing, just for having a little fun.
We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four,
But Landing doesn't want us any more,
I wonder why?

[I hit the wrong key and gone, Poker]