Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Chief, "On the bottom again. Well Mange how about a funny song I suggested for music for Nimitz, but warning it's not exactly PG even with a cartoon cat?"

Mange, <Bring it on!>

"OK, Weird Al's Close but no Cigar:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtMU8nvZzOs&feature=fvsr

<Cool, but this one looks fun, Christmas at Ground-Zero:>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU&feature=fvst

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Shave and a Haircut,"

Mange, "Bleek! Bleek!"

Heres one for you, adaptation on an old joke:

One reason the different star nations have trouble getting along is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example, if you told Solarian personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights, lock the doors,and stop listening to what ever is happening outside.

Havenite personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter or leave. They'd also redecorate the building

Manticorians would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with Honor Harrington and Treecats.

The Andermani, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to help the people of the building with their problems.

Got another one:

A Havenite Admiral, a Manticorian Admiral and a Grayson Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose’s service is better and whose troops are more braver.

The Havenite Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, "My marines are the BEST in the world and to prove it I’ll have one do the impossible” as he raeches for the com.

Well the other two are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.

When all three representives have arrived, the Havenite Admiral states “Since it was my idea, I’m first” and turning to the marine, he says "I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of neoshark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs… unbroken of course.”. The marine (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff.

After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the havenite marine swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off neosharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing.

Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off neosharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Havenite Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.

The Manticorian Admiral says “that wasn’t nothing”,and turning to his Marine he says "I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle.” And with that the marine moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off sudolions, near-tigers, pseudobears, neosharks, and mean Manticorian native birds).Finally reaching the Mantie Admiral, the Marine hands him the eggs.

The Grayson Admiral then says ”Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery” and turning towards his BEST (An Orbit Dog), he says ” I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, through the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side”.

The Orbit Dog looks at the Grayson Admiral, then the cliff, and again back at his Admiral, where he says “SCREW YOU SIR!”, renders a proper hand salute and walks away.

The Grayson Admiral turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says ”Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY….

A joke! Looks like Saganami Island is getting popular

A tactical instructor at Saganami Island gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. In his class he had students from all over the Grand Alliance territory, including one former Silesian who wasn't all that bright.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the instructor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, words deleted, memopads were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. The Silesian, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how the Silesian could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

"The Solarian League government is selling many technological advancements and weapons to the Havenites. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Seventeen Years.'"

Time to get a joke about the Wormhole Junction one here.

At the Manticorian Wormhole junction on one side of the junction are the transit waiting area for war ships and the other side for merchants with Junction Control in the middle. One day Junction Control received a call from an
ship asking, "What time is it?"

Junction Control responded, "Who is calling?"

The ship com officer replied a little sharply, "What difference does it make?"

Junction Control replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is a
civilian merchie, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Havenite warship,
it is 1500 hours. If it is a Manticorian warship, it is 6 bells. If it is
a JMNTC ship, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3. If it is a Sollie ship, it's Thursday
afternoon."

Sent this one in a PM to the above Joker adapted from the old cold war joke,two Russian tank Generals sipping wine in Paris, "I wonder who won the air war?"

Chief, "Two Manticorian Admirals on old Terra drinking wine in a cafe, one asks the other, "Who won the verge war?"

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Mange, <Loses something in translation, Chief.>

Chief shrugging, "So? Mange, Shave and a Haircut,"

Mange, "Bleek! Bleek!"

Got some semi-famous quotes here from the various factions of Honorverse.

"One of the serious problems in planning the fight against Mantie doctrine, is that the Manticorians do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their own doctrine. The also seem to have a penion for standing the status quo on it's ear..."
- From a Havenite's Lieutenant's personal memopad

"My fellow Graysons. I've signed legislation that will outlaw the Solarian League forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."

— Protector Benjamin, before a scheduled HD broadcast, unaware that the holo-recorders were already on


HHverse character Recognition
Honor Harrington:
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, reviews policy with God.

Scotty Treimaine:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

Alice Truman/Michelle Henke:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God only if a special request chit is approved.

Eloise Pritchart:
Barely clears Quonset hut, sometimes wins tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

Oscar Saint-Just:
Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by the locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

Cordelia Ransom:
Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, talks to bulkheads.

Anyone Admiral in the Solarian League:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building, says look at the Choo-Choo, needs people to clean up aften him, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

Sir Horace Harkness:
Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them, freezes water with a single glance, makes policy and enforces it,
HE IS GOD.

More quotes!

"Our missiles are smarter than the average Solly. At least they can find what they're told to look for."
- Random Manticorian Commander

"My rule is: If you meet the weakest vessel, attack; if it is a vessel equal to yours, attack; and if it is stronger than yours, also attack…"

- Admiral Honor Harrington

"Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders."

- Secretary of War Thomas Theisman,
on how he selects officers for staff and command

Be nice to the nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one or blown up by one.
-Shannon Foraker

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good, either.
-Someone at Junction Control wasn't feeling to happy...

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-Quick someone pass a interstellar convention banning stupidy! The Solarian League will fail for sure.

Pardon my lack of fire, I’m cycling the missiles into the tubes at the moment. Sorry for the inconvenice.

I’ve met many thinkers and many 'cats, but the wisdom of 'cats is infinitely superior.

AdmiralStarNight wrote:More quotes!

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-Quick someone pass a interstellar convention banning stupidy! The Solarian League will fail for sure.

I like it, unfortunatly such legislation could never be inforced, as 90%+ of humanity would need to be impresioned for suptidity.

edit: and my problems with spelling (I flunked 3rd grade spelling) would make me one of those arrested.

darrell wrote:

AdmiralStarNight wrote:More quotes!

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-Quick someone pass a interstellar convention banning stupidy! The Solarian League will fail for sure.

I like it, unfortunatly such legislation could never be inforced, as 90%+ of humanity would need to be impresioned for suptidity.

edit: and my problems with spelling (I flunked 3rd grade spelling) would make me one of those arrested.

Sorry Captain, but that was (unintentionally) part of the joke. Gotta love humanity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Honorverse Story
Everyone can get bored, enough bad news from the front lines, lets laugh a little.

One day Thomas Caparelli was in his office, doing some routine paperwork. His 'cat guardian, Strong Branch, was sleeping soundly on a pillow in a pool of sunlight.

The First Space Lord was just minding his own business when a sudden loud sound came from outside his door. Looking up in confusion he stands, walks over and opens on the door, to see nothing wrong. The hallway was empty and almost everything was in place.

Except for the desk in which his civilian secretary usually sat. She wasn't there, but that hardly bothered him. She probably had gotten a call to deliver something to him or the likes.

Strong Branch bounded over to him and pounced up and onto Caparelli's shoulder. He barely swayed under the extra weight and decided it was time for a small break.

He walked down the hallway to a large lounge area with a baeutiful window view of downtone Landing. When he reached it however, three dusty petty officers, one GSN, one RMN, and one RHN stood together, giggling like idiots.

they noticed him and immetitely stiffened but Thomas waved them off.

"At ease, what are you doing here POs?"

They looked a little uneasy speaking ot the First Space Lord, but the RHN PO spoke first. "We were just sharing a story Sir."

"Am I allowed to hear it?" Thomas asked.

"Yes Sir." The RHN petty officer replied. His fellows gave him odd looks but he continued on doggedly. "You sse First Space Lord, we were just talking about practical jokes."

"Oh." Caparelli said. "Go on."

"Well Sir, I was just telling how there was this one time on a pretty nice day that we pulled the ultimate prank."
The Havenite paused and the Manticorian looked down at the chrono on the wall and bid farewell to his comrades.

"Me and two friends, with a little bit of outside help, went down a parking garage and took the first aircar we saw and disassembled it. We took the dissasembled aircar and smuggled inside the lobby of this wonderful building." The Havenite paused to see if the Space Lord was following and Thomas nodded. The GSN Petty Officer looked at the chrono too, with something like alarm and saluted and jogged off down the hall.

"Alirght, we reassembled the aircar in the large lobby of ths building, with it got a few odd looks, no one questioned us untill the owner of the air car found out. Everyone, except the owner of the aircar, got a laugh outta it, Sir." The Havenite finished and Thomas grinned a little.

"Interesting, now you better get going to whatever you were assigned to do PO." Caparelli said and the PO saluted and walked down a diffeent hallway.

Strong Brach bleeked in amusement, but signed nothing to him and Thomas rolled his eyes. Petty Officers, think they're hotshots.

So Thomas Caparelli continued his walk and decided to visit the large lobby to see if maybe there were a few civilians he could try to impress into joining the Royal Navy.

When the First Space Lord arrived at the large, spaciouslobby was cround of people, military and civilian alike, most looking confused and some were laughing.

He pushed his way through the crowd to see what exactly had happened

And, lo-and-behold, his aircar was sitting in the middle of the Admirality lobby, in perfect condition, with not one scratch on it.

MOre than one face in the crowd was deapan as they realized the 1st Space Lord was here. The crowd practically scattered once someone had said it aloud.

Strong Branch bleeked with laughter and jumped onto the roof of the aircar and snatched a piece of paper with with handwriting that was all too familiar.

I guess you haven't heard, but a lot of the Grand Fleet's main admirals just got in system and we decided to keep it all secret to plesantly surpise you & the planet.

However,someone brought up the idea that we should do something more spectacular to get your attention. And we did. We had fun planning this one out, Nimitz was really helpful.

Caparelli stared at the hand signed sginatures at the bottom.

Signed,
Honor Alexander-Harrington
Thomas Theisman
Lester Tourville
Alfredo Yu
Warner Caslet
With the aprroval of:
Queen Elizabeth Winton III
and
Hamish Alexander-Harrington