Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Question: 2+2?

Answer: Treecat: Bleek! (Translated: Fish)

Question: 6+6?

Answer: Treecat: Bleek, bleek, bleek! (Translated: laughter)
Human: -glares at treecat-

Question: Why do treecats attach themselves to 'important' humans?

Answer: They want to take over the universe!
Note to self, don't underestimate sentient species.

Any tips on how to make these better?

Found a little humor by accident, but I need to explain a couple things first (which are also humorous).

There is a famous "filk" song (a SF-oriented 'folk' song) called "Banned from Argo", about the misadventures of a certain Starship crew I think you'll recognize on Shore leave. If you haven't heard it before, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH8lvwXx_Y8

It has spawned dozens of imitations, one of which I ran across called "Ladies Night in Argo".

Note who the lady is in verse two. You might recognize a couple of others along the way...

Heck, we could probably do a Honorverse version of this if we tried....

LADIES NIGHT IN ARGO

When we pulled into Argo port in search of R&R,
The crew set out to visit every single pub and bar,
We had high expectations of their hospitality,
But found out fast it wasn't safe for spacers such as we.

CHORUS
For it's ladies' night on Argo Port,
Ladies' night, and the crew is quite distraught,
We ran into some spacers there, `twas just three girls or four.
We won't be back on Tuesdays anymore.


Our Captain went a-walking with a lady from Grayson,
He really should know better than to mess with Harrington,
He wouldn't take her gentle "No", so she pulled a little coup,
And left him face down in the street, with a dozen redshirts too.

CHORUS

Our proper cool First Officer has lost some of his pride,
And was a good deal poorer when we beamed him back inside.
He wagered on his prowess `gainst Alicia DeVries;
And Fury flattened logic in all three falls out of three.

CHORUS

Our Helmsman for his shoreleave borrowed shuttle number three,
And soon was swapping stories with one Rosselin-Metadi.
They bragged about their escapades, the risks that each had run;
The last we saw, the pair were playing chicken round the sun.

CHORUS

When Vader thought that he was safe, he thought a bit too soon.
He suddenly slowed down his ship and said <hsss> "That's not a moon."<hss>
The Empress of all Humankind had stopped by for a chat,
And brought along a warship that would smash the Death Star flat!

CHORUS

The Borg came to assimilate this lonely spaceport bar,
And ended up compelled to fly into the nearest star,
For Cam and Con and Kay and Kat were dancing there that night,
And Unit vs. Unity was not an even fight.

CHORUS

We prowl among the space lanes fearing neither man nor beast;
Of all the Space Fleet's arsenal we rank amongst the least.
BUT we have a super weapon that makes all our foes turn pale,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male!
CHORUS

Mange, <A good song but I found another couple I liked better about cats, enjoy:>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nUi3DaWzGI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvZfGyXa1Ic&feature=related

<I know one 'cat who will be annoyed if you set me on fire, don't try it as blood is so hard to get out of my fur. :)>

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Oh brother!"

Chief, "Well Mange it looks like it's up to me and you to keep the Humor on page one, got a joke?"

Mange, <Kind of, first a New comer's joke:>

Silly Solly Sally wrote:Question: 2+2?

Answer: Treecat: Bleek! (Translated: Fish)

Question: 6+6?

Answer: Treecat: Bleek, bleek, bleek! (Translated: laughter)
Human: -glares at treecat-

Question: Why do treecats attach themselves to 'important' humans?

Answer: They want to take over the universe!
Note to self, don't underestimate sentient species.

Any tips on how to make these better?

Chief, "Human should have said, "Six not sex you stupid 'cat!'"

Mange, <And the treecat should answer, <Having sex fun not stupid, silly two-leg!>>

Chief, "Dum-ta-de-dump ..."

Mange, "Bleek! Bleek!"

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Shave and a Haircut, two bits, get it, Snotty."

Mange, "Bleek, bleek, bleek,...bleek"

Welcome aboard we need more jokers here with all the serious, ugh, un-humorus oh so serious techno-wizards.

Chief, "Well at the bottom of the topics again."

Mange, <What happened to Silly Solly Sally the lad had talent?>

"Been lured to the evil tech side, I think."

<Either that or you scared him off with the post above.>

"Nah, he read it before, remember the PM? OK Mange you tell the joke today."

<OK, Why do female Grayson officers have problems with metal detectors?>

"OK, I'll bite, why?"

<They have to sew in metal rods to keep their skirts from floating up in zero G.>

Mange, "Bleek, bleek, bleek,... bleek."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

"Oh Brother!"

pokermind wrote:Chief, "Well at the bottom of the topics again."

Mange, <What happened to Silly Solly Sally the lad had talent?>

"Been lured to the evil tech side, I think."

<Either that or you scared him off with the post above.>

"Nah, he read it before, remember the PM? OK Mange you tell the joke today."

<OK, Why do female Grayson officers have problems with metal detectors?>

"OK, I'll bite, why?"

<They have to sew in metal rods to keep their skirts from floating up in zero G.>

Mange, "Bleek, bleek, bleek,... bleek."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

"Oh Brother!"

Well, at least they get to use Grayson's flora and fauna for something besides being another perfect prison planet. Just keep everyone out of the orbital farms, and you've got a next-generation Hades (minus the heat, excepting greenhouses). Maybe that's why the Elysian Space Navy relocated there.

Mesa has books on genetics.
Manticore has gossip columns.
Grayson has bibles.
Sollies have nothing. (Why do people need to know anything worthwhile anyway?)
Havenites have history books.

For new bees an old joke lesson:

pokermind wrote:Listen up snotty jokers of the Honorverse the old Chief is going to give some lessons:

The first is a paraphrase of an old Rastus and Liza jokes the raciest and sexist jokes of my youth and in their original form the Duckk would be on me like a duck on a June-bug.

Twelve-year-old Raul Alexander-Harrington is talked into looking over the wall of a nearby nudest colony my his young chum. While peering over the wall standing on his chum's shoulders a knockout curvacious blond hoves into view.

Young Raul jumps off his friend's shoulders running and screaming. His friend tackles him and asks, "Raul why are you running so hard and screaming?"

"My mothers told me if I looked over that wall I would turn to stone, and something is getting hard already!"

A staple of sick humor even worse than light-bulb jokes were the Dead Baby Jokes, here is a paraphrase set in the Honorverse:

How does a dead Havenite Dolest cross the road?

Stapled to a chicken.

Then there were the Elephant jokes, to paraphrase:

How does the Hexapuma hide in small trees on Sphinx?

He climbs to the top, paints his claws red, and prey thinks its a cherry tree.

See Snotties almost any joke you know can be adapted to the Honorverse.

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Mange, <Talk about old recycled material.>

PS. For those who didn't catch it Baen's Bar will be down all day tomorrow, February 22.

Rick Boatright wrote:
REMINDER

The bar will be down throughout the day tomorrow beginning at 0700 EST

It will be back up as the NEW BAR before 1700 EST, assuming nothing goes horribly wrong



-------------------------

-_Rick Boatright Loyal Minion

Mange, <Chief you let us get shuttled back to the second page, why?>

Chief, "Ugh I did not think so many new topic would be posted so I took the morning off. So Mange old buddy you got a joke for today?"

<What's black and white and red all over?>

Chief with a smug grin, "That old chestnut one of Grayson's old fashioned news papers."

<No, foolish two leg, a zebra who did not cross at the zebra crossing.>

Mange, "Bleek, bleek, bleek,... bleek."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief scratching his head, "Where did Mange learn to use British English, Has he been hanging around with the Brits during my absence?"

Chief, "Well at the bottom of the page again, so got a joke, Mange?"

<Of course, What's a treecat's favorite beer?>

"I didn't know treecats drank beer. OK I'll bite what is the favorite beer of treecats?"

<Old Tillman made with Thorn Apple to help the mind voice while the alcohol dulls it, silly two-leg.>
Mange, "Bleek, bleek, bleek,... bleek."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

"I'll dull you you mangy walking six limbed flea circus!"

Chief, "OK mange, you call a human with no limbs a quadriplegic what do you call a treecat with no limbs?"

Mange, <It's your language, I don't know.>

"A tail-less hexiplegic."

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Shave and a Haircut,"

Mange, "Bleek! Bleek!"