Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

dreamrider wrote:

pokermind wrote:Twelve-year-old Raul Alexander-Harrington is talked into looking over the wall of a nearby nudest colony my his young chum. While peering over the wall standing on his chum's shoulders a knockout curvacious blond hoves into view.

Young Raul jumps off his friend's shoulders running and screaming. His friend tackles him and asks, "Raul why are you running so hard and screaming?"

"My mothers told me if I looked over that wall I would turn to stone, and something is getting hard already!"

Sorry, P.
this one doesn't work so well in the Honorverse, unless you make it another character, and set it on Grayson.

Raoul's mom, hot grandmom, and probably a number of their friends and his aunt and sister regularly swim in the nude. He BETTER have better familiarity and control.

(Now, THAT'S Honorverse humor.)

dreamrider

The following answer posted in dremrider's question on dangerous Grayson animals:

Mange, <The Chief and I are marooned here on Grayson and all prey has levels of heavy metals that are toxic. First safety lecture I got on arrival, no catching between meal snacks. So to answer your question all creatures and plants are poisonous here, why do you think the farms are in orbit, silly two-leg?>

Chief, "I think he meant something like a Terrain cobra or black-widow spiders, Mange."

<Oh, then I can't answer the question we never leave the city dome.>

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

PS Good point in Honorverse Humor or lack thereof on the young Raul joke, he would be used to female nudity. But then going around nude on Grayson might be hazardous to your health, Heavy Metal Toxicity anyone?

My all time favorite is still Werrf's Honor knock knock joke:

Werrf wrote:Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Honor.
Honor who?
On 'er way to another Death Ride, want to come?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
North Hollow.
North Hollow who?
Bang.
...
...
Hello?

Werrf's first post in this thred was good too:

Werrf wrote:There's got to be a joke about how many dolists does it take to screw in a lightbulb...

How many treecats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One hand.

How many Royal Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Lightbulb? Oh, no, they just had a slight navigational glitch and asked for directions. You can check with WO Harkness over there...

What did the pirate say when the Confederate officer blew his own fusion plant?
"That was silly."

How to Manticoran sensor crews report no contacts?
"Not a Peep."

So are you other comedians out there in the Honorverse going to let Werrf beat you? Post some jokes! Poker Mind

<Knock - knock

<Solli Admiral, "Who's there?"

<Voice, "Sally."

<Solli Admiral, "Sally who?"

<"The Salamander and Eighth Fleet surrender or be destroyed.>

"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

Chief, "And you get on me for using her nickname you six limbed walking flea circus, arrr-."

Sometimes comedians discuss real issues, and now is one of those times. The following post in SPOILER Treecats:

Kruhn wrote:I've been watching the debate in this thread and have enjoyed the meandering ebb and flow of the various ideas thrown in this thread.

I would like to add my two cents to the thread and propose an idea that has not really proposed in this thread. The first thing I'd like to point out is that treecats would fit best in areas where their native abilities fit best/ Therefore in areas such as psychology, law enforcement, interrogation, guard duties, and of course as furry lie detectors. Areas such as diplomacy (except where they can serve as in an advisory role role in areas where their skills come to play such as to check the credibility of the other party) and shipboard duty are out of their curent skills set.

Modern shipboard combat involves a working knowledge of advanced mathematics, physics. In addition, clear lines of communications are crucial for a miltary unit and while the translator would help cover the communications gap between humans and treecats, until the technology is refined, it would not be as effective in a high stress situation such as space combat.

An area, where treecats would excel is special operations, which would be a variation on CPO Pokermind's treecat Marines concept. Treecats are excellent in cammouflage, even in an urban environment. In Ashes of Victory Nimitz and Samantha were busily looking for treecat-sized nooks and crannies in the Harrington House in Landing. Therefore their small size, nimbleness, and ability as arboreals to move in environments difficult ffor humans to move around and ambush opponents. Since we know that pound-for-pound treecats are about the deadliest warriors in the Honorverse they would make Seal Team Six look like a namby-pamby outfit. Imagine a treecat auxiliary attached to Thanndi Palane's Amazons or the Beowulf Astrographic Survey?

Another area which has been overlooked where treecats could be an asset to human socciety is to serve as aides to people who have suffered crippling disabilities. Although it is very rare, we know that those casess do exist such as Lady White Haven. There are cases where paraplegics and quadraplegics are assigned specialized dogs that help them opening door, getting items, et. Treecats are much more intelligent than dogs and can actually handle things.

This is an excellent thread and I hope my humble contribution adds to the discussion.

Mange, <We treecats wish to become a modern civilization and as such must learn many new things. Things size and temperament make us unsuited. We have no wish to be a servile class to the two-legs, but full beings in an equal partnership. That some of the People might take servile jobs while furthering their education is a possibility, but we are not pets, nor SLAVES of the two-legs. An old song I heard on Grayson I shall now sing with my computer voice:>

<I am treecat hear me roar

<In numbers to big to ignore

<We wish to remain kittens no more

<So let us agree on that score ...>

"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

Chief Poker Mind, "The reason for the meandering is that so few others respond, and I wish to keep the thread open for the few treecatphiles out there. I may be alone but I don't think the treecats will be content riding in the back of the bus as second class citizens, do you?"

Our new bumper sticker:



"Hey Mange 'whish' should be 'wish.'"

<The People have difficulty spelling two-leg mouth noises.>

Chief Poker Mind, "Now for something totally different:

"No one has posted a Medusan joke in Honorverse humor, I shall now attempt it, but first a little background.

"In the old Soviet Union on Terra they had funny sayings usually written on bathroom walls:

"The first because workers were paid in Certificate Rubles with no value in foreign exchange they could only buy Russian made good so the workers had a saying:

"As long as the bosses pretend to pay us we will pretend to work."

"The second from the fact many Political Kamasars[? sp.] were inept public speakers:

"He coughed when he should have farted, and farted when he should have coughed."

"Now we know part of the Medusan language is smell, oders released so Medusan joke time, what Medusans say about inept public speakers:

"The king's minister stank when he should have smelled sweet, and smelled sweet when he should have stank."

Mange, <OK not so good how about:

<How many Medusans does it take to change a torch?

<Just one but he will take a while to figure which of his three arms to use.>
"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Oh a new bumper sticker:

Spacecat First Mangy Fur, <The Chief posted this in Historical and Fictional Pearls of Wisdom.:

pokermind wrote:Of Oriental wisdom I always liked Chairman Mo(?sp) of China said, "Where the enemy is strong withdraw, but where the enemy is weak attack."

Robert E. Lee's, "It is good war is so terrible or we would grow too fond of it," as a counter point to Bill Shakespeare's "Cry Havoc and let loose the dogs of war!"

Poker Mind

Mange continuing: <I know you are old, Chief, but did you really know William Shakespeare well enough to call him Bill?>

"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

Chief, "One of these days Mange, boom right to the moon!"

Mange, <See the chief even threatens like Jakie Gleason in the 'Honeymooners'.>

"That's because that is the only show you let me watch you six limbed walking flea circus. You have watched each one so often that you sign the lines ahead of time, and thus you are like a three-year-old kid, Mange." :p



PS. A pearl of wisdom from ole Chief Poker Mind if you can't laugh at yourself don't worry there are plenty of other SOBs (not Squids On Beach the other meaning) out there who will do it for you.

Spacecat First Mangy Fur, <Humor is a two-leg concept since most jokes work by surprising the listener. Among the People such surprise is difficult to achieve. But since my association with a couple of jolly fat windbags here on Grayson I have became quite adept.>

Chief Poker Mind, "You mean Jackie Gleason and me, you six limbed walking flea circus?"

<Precicely you know that here on Grayson they still print newspapers on paper, well I heard a joke about them yesterday.>

"I know I'll regret it but what joke?"

<What's black and white and read all over?>

"A very light gray almost white Treecat crossing the road without looking for traffic, perhaps?"

<No, foolish two-leg, a newspaper.>

"What they are not red?"

<No, foolish two-leg, but they are read, the past tense of to read.>

"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

"One of these days, Mange, one of these days!"

Setting :- SLNS Marie Curie (Battle Fleet SD, Scientist class)

Scene - The new Admiral has boarded to take command of the fleet since the previous Admiral has quit unexpectedly

<Yeoman> Admiral on the Bridge!
All members on the flag bridge stand to attention. The Vice Admiral, a tall man, turns and salutes, then blinks and looks down to where the new Admiral, so short as to almost be a dwarf, is returning his salute. The whole scene is watched by a curious tech who is closing up a panel
Welcome aboard the Marie Curie, Fleet Admiral Marcus. I am Vice Admiral Simons, your new chief of staff.
<Marcus> Thank you. I admit, I hadn't expected to be assigned here, I was slated for a position on Filareta's task-force, but when this position opened up... well, you get the idea. So. Will you introduce me to my flag crew?
<Simons> Yes sir. Hu is our astrogator, Watt is our tactical officer, Ida No's security...
<M, interrupting> You don't know the crew?
<S> Of course I do.
<M> Then who’s our astrogator?
<S> Yes.
<M> Yes?
<S> Yes.
<M> Yes is our astrogator?
<S> No, Hu is our astrogator.
<M> Wait, what?
<S> Tactical officer.
<M> Who’s our tactical officer?
<S> No, Hu’s our astrogator.
<M> I don’t know!
<s> Security. Why are we talking about her now?
<M> Who?
<S> Yes, he's our astrogator.
<M> Who’s our astrogator?
<S> That’s right, he is.
<M> ... who is..?
<TL> Yes.
<M> ...what?
<TL> Tactical.
<M> Who’s on tactical?
<TL> No, Hu is on astrogation.
<M> I don’t know.
<TL> Security.
<M> ... okay, let’s forget that for now. Do we have someone on communications?
<TL> Yes sir. She's just there.
<M> And can you tell me her name?
<TL> Tamara.
<M> Tomorrow? I want to know her name today!
<TL> And I told you. Tamara.
<M> You told... never mind. Okay, Who do we have on Intel?
<TL> Wye.
<M> Just thought I’d ask.
<TL> And I just thought I’d tell you.
<M> ... you did?
<TL> I did.
<M> I must have missed something. Who’s on Intel?
<TL> No, Hu’s on astrogation.
<M> I don’t know!
<TL> Security.
<M> And back to security? Why??
<TL> No, he’s on Intel.
<M> What?
<TL> Tactical. I told you already.
<M> Look, stop joking!
<TL> Joe King? But there's nothing wrong with engineering?
<M> Engineering now? What’s with the engineering?
<TL> No, Watt’s on tactical.
<M> I don’t know!
<Both> Security (!)
<M> ... look, I’m trying to understand what is going on here, and your attitude isn’t helping. Now, who is on astrogation?
<TL> Exactly.
<M> ...exactly?
<TL> Exactly.
<M> Exactly’s on astrogation?
<TL> No, Hu’s on astrogation.
<M> That’s what I’m asking you! Who! Is! On! Astrogation?
<TL> That’s absolutely right. Now you’ve got it.
<M> AAAAAARGH! This place is crazy! (Takes a deep breath) Look. Normally I'm a mild-mannered man, but when I'm provoked, my temper is as short as I am, and I will be the bitterest enemy you ever made! You are here to serve me, and so, I! Will! Have! Answers!
The tech finishes closing up the panel and scurries out of the main hatch, where the marine on duty taps his shoulder
<Marine> What is going on in there?
<Tech> Oh, the Vice Admiral's serving a half-pint of mild and bitter...

You have reminded me of something that happened over 40 years ago when my wife and I went to the cinema. I forget what we actually went to see, but the other film on show with it (in the days when you got a second feature film as well as adverts) was a Japanese monster movie with a mechanical King Kong battling a live Godzilla all over Tokyo. After the obligatory introduction of mayhem and chaos the scene shifted to the mad scientist's secret laboratory so he could cackle over the trouble he was causing (no white Persian cat or piranhas were involved). Unfortunately his name turned out to be Doctor Hu. The entire audience erupted in laughter and the rest of that film was punctuated by catcalls of "where's the Tardis?" and various quotes from the TV series.

Cheers
John

Michael Everett wrote:Setting :- SLNS Marie Curie (Battle Fleet SD, Scientist class)

Scene - The new Admiral has boarded to take command of the fleet since the previous Admiral has quit unexpectedly

<Yeoman> Admiral on the Bridge!
All members on the flag bridge stand to attention. The Vice Admiral, a tall man, turns and salutes, then blinks and looks down to where the new Admiral, so short as to almost be a dwarf, is returning his salute. The whole scene is watched by a curious tech who is closing up a panel
Welcome aboard the Marie Curie, Fleet Admiral Marcus. I am Vice Admiral Simons, your new chief of staff.
<Marcus> Thank you. I admit, I hadn't expected to be assigned here, I was slated for a position on Filareta's task-force, but when this position opened up... well, you get the idea. So. Will you introduce me to my flag crew?
<Simons> Yes sir. Hu is our astrogator, Watt is our tactical officer, Ida No's security...
<M, interrupting> You don't know the crew?
<S> Of course I do....

Chief Poker Mind, “Mange, this book has quotations from famous Old Terrains. A politician named Winston Churchill said ‘A joke is a very serious thing.’”

Mange, <Sounds nuttier than you Chief was he drunk?>

“No but he had a good one about drinking, ‘I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.’”

<What was his opinion of treecats?>

“He was before man went into space, however he did say something about Terrain cats, ‘I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.’”

<Of course we look down on two-legs you rarely climb trees, what was he a nutter?>

“No, he was one of the most famous of Englishmen nearly two-thousand years ago.”

<Oh, hey chief how about we go see cookie for some more shrimp and celery egg-rolls?>

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

"Hey Mange what happened to my egg rolls?"

<Oops!> "Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

CPO Poker Mind, "Mange, our Driver's tenant just left breaking the lease and leaving the house in a shambles that's why I haven't been posting today."

SCF Mangy Fur, <Should I hire a string quartet to play sad violin music?>

Chief, "Nah, he's thinking of getting a lawyer and sueing the former tenant. You know mange, I think Bill Shakespeare should have written, 'Neither a landlord nor a renter be.'"

Mange, <I thought you said you didn't know William Shakespeare well enough to use his nick-name.>

"You used that a few posts ago, Mange. Well we need a joke got a good one?"

<Why do the People make poor lawyers?>

"Too many hard concepts to learn?"

<No, the People don't lie very well.>

"Kinda loses something in translation there, Mange."

<Why don't lawyers of the People sue Death Fangs?>

"Hexapumas don't have money?"

<No, professional courtesy.>

"Oh brother!"

<Why are lawyers like the old fashioned revolving doors here on Grayson?>

"I know I'll regret this, but why?"

<Because like a revolving door if you do not watch your step the lawyer behind you can get ahead of you.>

"Bleek, bleek, bleek,"

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

"Leave it to Mange, Honorverse lawyer jokes, I could just scream!"