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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Thu Dec 29, 2011 1:31 pm

pokermind
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Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Spacecat First Mangy Fur, <This settler on Sphinx had three sons who argued over the drumsticks from the chickens. By lucky accident a three legged rooster hatched, and in time the farm yard was alive with three legged chickens.>

Chief, "That must have been wonderful all those three legged chickens each with enough drumsticks for the boys."

<Not quite, you ever try to catch a three legged chicken they run very fast, turn on a dime, give you nine cents change, and are very wild.>

"So what did the farmer do?"

<When they have chicken he catches two two-leg chickens then he has a drumstick, too.>

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by blackjack217   » Thu Dec 29, 2011 6:22 pm

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Posts: 315
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 2:11 pm

How many Battle-fleet admirals does it take to change a light-bulb?
Who knows, none of them have accomplished anything useful in centuries.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:24 am

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Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Mange, <You know Chief that the wind on the plains of Sphinx blows very hard?>

Chief, "I've heard that the winters on Sphinx are not only long, about three 'T' years, but cold."

<True. I know one two-leg settler on who's farm the wind blew so strong one winter it sucked the water up out of the well and froze an 'Old Faithful' of ice.>

"Where did you hear of 'Old Faithful,' Mange?"

<Well stupid Terran two-legs keep pissing off the Salamander I thought to read up on interesting places to visit when the fleet gets there.>

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

PS. Mangy Fur has offered to tell any treecat jokes you two legs need told. Here is a graphic for just him:

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

PSS. My favorite of the last few pages:

pokermind wrote:Chief, "Arr- the last joke made it past the censors, I reported the post myself, if they stay they are OK if they disappear then I've crossed the line. Now Snotties you know the difference between a Ferry Tale and a Space Story don't you?"

Mange, <A ferry tale begins 'Once upon a time,'>

Chief. "Avast thar ye six limbed walking flea circus I was a telling them. And a Space Story beigns with 'This is no shit,' see Snotties."

Mange, <Quit with the professing, and start with the jokes already!>

<Oops the Chief went away mad, so I will tell a joke. One of the People you two-legs call Silky-Fur became a psychiatrist. And a two-leg, perhaps a namelessfly from the Baen's Bar came in with a fixation on the two-leg female mammary glands.

<Silky Fur began with a word association test:

<Silky Fur: Namelessfly:
< Tomatoes? Breasts.
< Cantaloupes? Breasts.
< Watermelons? Breasts.
< Windshield Wipers? Breasts.

<Shocked at the last answer, Silky Fur said, 'I have seen two-leg females with tomato sized breasts, even with cantaloupe sized breasts, and I can stretch my imagination to watermelon sized breasts, but how do you get a connection between windshield wipers and female two-leg breasts?'

<Namelessfly puckers his lips and moving his head back and fourth goes, sound of "kiss- kiss- kiss- ..."> "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

<I still say you two-legs think too much on mating maters.>

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Smart Alick 'Cat!!"

PS. Mangy Fur has offered to tell any treecat jokes you two legs need told. Here is a graphic for just him:

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

PSS.In the truth is stranger than fiction category said Namelessfly's latest topic in Free Range Topics:



PSSS? What I got back in responce to reporting a joke I thought was on the line of PG-13 or a little beyond as an E-Mail:

Hello pokermind,

You are receiving this notification because the report you filed on the
post "Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof." in "Honorverse Humor or lack
thereof." at "Weber Forums" was handled by a moderator or by an
administrator. The report was afterwards closed. If you have further
questions contact Duckk with a personal message.


Had the post been over the line it would have been deleted.

Mange, <So if you have a questionable post either PM the Duckk prior to posting, or post and report it yourself. Let's keep these Forums safe for younglings.>
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:17 pm

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Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Chief, "This is no shit Mange I had a buddy who was born a twelve pound baby."

Mange, <Large for a two-leg must have been a difficult birth for the mother, or was he tubed?>

Chief, "He was born the natural way. He said he asked his mother once what it was like to have a twelve pound baby."

Mange, <And the two-leg mother's reply?>

Chief, "'Pull your lower lip out until it hurts,' ..."

Mange, <That doesn't sound too bad.>

Chief, "She continued, 'Now pull it over the top of your head. That's what if feels like to have a twelve pound baby.'"

Mange, <Ouch!>

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

PS. Mangy Fur has offered to tell any treecat jokes you two legs need told. Here is a graphic for just him:

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

Mange, <Or I'll be the straight'cat for one of your jokes if you want.>

Chief, "Contrary to some posters this is not just my sandbox, so you jokers out there tell some jokes. The Doctors note being an Alpha Personality all the time is bad for your health, so laugh a little and share the laughter."
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Sun Jan 01, 2012 1:45 pm

pokermind
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Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Spacecat First Mangy-Fur, <A two-leg traveling salesman approached a farmer of my clan with farm tools for sale.>

Chief, "I didn't know treecats had money?"

<Some do they get money for Sphinxin Chipmunk Pelts.>

Image

<But the farmer had no money. "No problem you can buy on credit," the salesman said.>

<<What is 'credit'?> the Farmer asked.>

<The Salesman answered, "You pay back the cost of the tools and some interest.">

<<What is 'interest'?> the Farmer asked.>

<The Salesman answered, "It's extra money you pay for using our money to borrow the tool, a fifth for every 'T' year, and there are six 'T' years to each Sphinxin year.">

<The Farmer scratched behind his ear with his mid-limb, it took a while as the People are new to Arithmetic, but the Farmer finally answered, <So at next year's harvest I pay you for two and a fifth tools! Do I look like a gullible two-leg to you? Get off my Farm foolish two-leg my claws ache for your blood.>>

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

Chief, "I don't get the joke?"

Mange, <That's why so many foolish two-legs are in debt.>

Chief, "That's not funny, Mange."

Mange, <It is to the People! Foolish two-legs are always funny.>
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by ChiefPete   » Sun Jan 01, 2012 4:30 pm

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[quote="pokermind"]Chief, "This is no shit Mange I had a buddy who was born a twelve pound baby."

Mange, <Large for a two-leg must have been a difficult birth for the mother, or was he tubed?>

Chief, "He was born the natural way. He said he asked his mother once what it was like to have a twelve pound baby."

Mange, <And the two-leg mother's reply?>

Chief, "'Pull your lower lip out until it hurts,' ..."

Mange, <That doesn't sound too bad.>]

Pokermind I didn't know that you knew my cousin Phillip, the women he married, nice woman, gave birth to a 12 lb baby boy. Shortly after she told him to get a vasectomy. By the way this is my cousin who served in the RN. Just one of three brothers who did.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:08 am

pokermind
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Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Warning the following is at the line of PG-13 if not over it:





















The Chief, "When I was a boy many of our 'dirty' jokes were poems like the following:

"There was a young man from Boston

"Who drove around town in an Austen

"There was room for his Ass

"And plenty of gas

"But his balls hung out and he lost 'em"

Mange, <And this relates to Honorverse humor how?>

"I was coming to it:

"There was a young fan named Cheopis

"Who thought for info-gathering frigates were tops

"He kept to his guns even when David said done

"The ornery cussed stubborn son of a gun

"Now David is considering them for info-gathering opps."

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Mange, <Run for the treetops the Chief has re-discovered the limerick!>
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:57 pm

pokermind
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Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Listen up snotty jokers of the Honorverse the old Chief is going to give some lessons:

The first is a paraphrase of an old Rastus and Liza jokes the raciest and sexist jokes of my youth and in their original form the Duckk would be on me like a duck on a June-bug.

Twelve-year-old Raul Alexander-Harrington is talked into looking over the wall of a nearby nudest colony my his young chum. While peering over the wall standing on his chum's shoulders a knockout curvacious blond hoves into view.

Young Raul jumps off his friend's shoulders running and screaming. His friend tackles him and asks, "Raul why are you running so hard and screaming?"

"My mothers told me if I looked over that wall I would turn to stone, and something is getting hard already!"

A staple of sick humor even worse than light-bulb jokes were the Dead Baby Jokes, here is a paraphrase set in the Honorverse:

How does a dead Havenite Dolest cross the road?

Stapled to a chicken.

Then there were the Elephant jokes, to paraphrase:

How does the Hexapuma hide in small trees on Sphinx?

He climbs to the top, paints his claws red, and prey thinks its a cherry tree.

See Snotties almost any joke you know can be adapted to the Honorverse.

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

PS. Mangy Fur has offered to tell any treecat jokes you two legs need told, or be a straight 'cat. Here is a graphic for just him:

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Tue Jan 03, 2012 7:27 pm

pokermind
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Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Mange, <Back in my Clan I was a stone-biter, made stone tools for the People.>

Chief, "Must have been interesting work."

Mange, <Yes, but it you didn't shake the rug you sat on frequently you got stuck by the flint shards. Oh! that reminds me of a joke. So Chief have you heard the one about treecat who went to the dentist?>

Chief, "I just know I'm going to regret this, but no."

<This male goes to see a two-leg dentist, who says, "I haven't got any anesthetic for treecats.">

<The male says, <No problem I'm as tough as any two leg.>>

<The dentist prepares the male, and starts the drill, then stops when he feels pin pricks in his balls.>

<The dentist asks, "I thought you said you were as tough as any two-leg why do you got my nuts in your claws?">

<The male answered,<I am as tough, and now we are not going to hurt each other are we?>>

Image "Bleek, bleek, bleek," Image

CPO Poker Mind Image SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Oh brother! That one is as old as the hills and twice as dusty"

"So Mange what did Lord White Haven call his first Date with Honor Harrington?"

<I know I'll regret this what did Lord White Haven call his first date with Dances on Clouds?>

"My Date from Hell."
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by dreamrider   » Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:39 pm

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pokermind wrote:Twelve-year-old Raul Alexander-Harrington is talked into looking over the wall of a nearby nudest colony my his young chum. While peering over the wall standing on his chum's shoulders a knockout curvacious blond hoves into view.

Young Raul jumps off his friend's shoulders running and screaming. His friend tackles him and asks, "Raul why are you running so hard and screaming?"

"My mothers told me if I looked over that wall I would turn to stone, and something is getting hard already!"



Sorry, P.
this one doesn't work so well in the Honorverse, unless you make it another character, and set it on Grayson.

Raoul's mom, hot grandmom, and probably a number of their friends and his aunt and sister regularly swim in the nude. He BETTER have better familiarity and control.

(Now, THAT'S Honorverse humor.)

dreamrider
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