Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Conversations between Captain and First Officer

"What'll we do if this crafty enemy gets within 1.5M km?"

"Fire my missiles."

"What are you going to do if they get considerably closer than that?"

"Fire my energy weapons."

"And even closer still?"

"Fire my analyst."

Conversations between Captain and First Officer


"Those silly Sollies are still choosing to engage us, Captain."

"They can't see that those cataracts really aren't helping them."

"You mean cataphracts."

"I'm pretty sure I mean cataracts."

As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickening silence fell on the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor — mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall — mighty Honor struck them out.

Hi,

Sorry I missed this earlier, but I haven't kept track of things at the forums for quite a while.

Kudos for the amusing distraction in these times , and being so well composed, I hope it didn't take too much time but shouldn't the last line be "But Honor, Mighty Honor had struck them out?"

Keep smiling,

lyonheart

cthia wrote:As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickening silence fell on the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor — mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall — mighty Honor struck them out.

You saw it before lionheart, and you congratulated me on it then. Thanks again. Of course, it was six years ago that I composed it. And it has gone thru edits since then. So, in a way, it has somewhat taken 6 years to get it right. LOL

As far as the last line, I think it is correct. Seeing as though the whole thing is a parody of "Casey at the Bat."

I tried to remain true to the original as much as possible, which reads . . .

But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.

Conversations between Captain and First Officer

First Officer sits down inside the adjacent stall in the lavatory, beside his Captain. He looks at the silent text he just received from the bridge, then flushes.

"Captain, we're about to have another STINKY problem!"

"Oh shit! Not again! Flush the pods!"

"All of them?"

"All of them you idiot!"

. . .


"I just gave the order over the com sir, the missiles are off."

"What missiles!?

"The order to launch at Henke's Fleet, sir."

"I didn't give a fucking order to launch at Henke's Fleet!"

"You just said flush the pods!"

"The sewage pods you idiot! When you said we're about to have another STINKY PROBLEM! I thought you meant the sewage system was gonna flood the ship, AGAIN! ... What's that smell? The sewage?"

"No sir! I just shit my pants! There are 5000 missiles INBOUND!

"I told those idiots at the Admiralty it stinks like shit when they gave me you."

"The crew wants to know what to do about the smell?"

"THE SEWAGE???"

"No sir! They shit their pants too!"

"Why're you smiling, Captain!"

"This is the first time I don't have to worry about wiping my butt since you got here."

Hi cthia,

My memory is definitely fading

Keep smiling,

lyonheart

lyonheart wrote:Hi,

Sorry I missed this earlier, but I haven't kept track of things at the forums for quite a while.

Kudos for the amusing distraction in these times , and being so well composed, I hope it didn't take too much time but shouldn't the last line be "But Honor, Mighty Honor had struck them out?"

Keep smiling,

lyonheart

cthia wrote:As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickening silence fell on the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor — mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall — mighty Honor struck them out.

Reminds me of a story about the Napoleonic Wars.
A British officer was struck unconscious and captured. When he was being interrogated the French interrogator asked him "Why do the British officers wear bright red tunics, it makes you such good targets"?
The British officer answered "No military secret, so I can tell you. It is so that if we are wounded the gush of blood doesn't worry our troops, and lower their morale".
And that is why, from then on, all French officers wore brown pants.

cthia wrote:Conversations between Captain and First Officer

First Officer sits down inside the adjacent stall in the lavatory, beside his Captain. He looks at the silent text he just received from the bridge, then flushes.

"Captain, we're about to have another STINKY problem!"

"Oh shit! Not again! Flush the pods!"

"All of them?"

"All of them you idiot!"

. . .


"I just gave the order over the com sir, the missiles are off."

"What missiles!?

"The order to launch at Henke's Fleet, sir."

"I didn't give a fucking order to launch at Henke's Fleet!"

"You just said flush the pods!"

"The sewage pods you idiot! When you said we're about to have another STINKY PROBLEM! I thought you meant the sewage system was gonna flood the ship, AGAIN! ... What's that smell? The sewage?"

"No sir! I just shit my pants! There are 5000 missiles INBOUND!

"I told those idiots at the Admiralty it stinks like shit when they gave me you."

"The crew wants to know what to do about the smell?"

"THE SEWAGE???"

"No sir! They shit their pants too!"

"Why're you smiling, Captain!"

"This is the first time I don't have to worry about wiping my butt since you got here."

Conversations between Captain and First Officer


"Captain, your gut feeling is so acute. I know you and Honor are best friends. Did you learn that gut feeling from her?"

"The only feeling Honor has in her gut is hunger. That makes her a dangerous tactician because she doesn't like being late for dinner."

" " " "

"Is it true she has trouble with math?"

"Nimitz says it's why he chose to bond with her. He knew she wouldn't be able to count the many stalks of celery he'd eat."

cthia wrote:"Is it true she has trouble with math?"

"Nimitz says it's why he chose to bond with her. He knew she wouldn't be able to count the many stalks of celery he'd eat."

That is something Nimitz would say.