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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
by saber964 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:25 pm
saber964 Admiral Posts: 2423 Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:41 pm Location: Spokane WA USA	cthia wrote: “None of that would’ve been necessary if not for the fucking Manties.” Gervais’s voice was a snarl. “It’s that goddamned loose warhead Gold Peak’s fault. My word! What kinds of mischief did Henke and Harrington engage in as roomies? One went on to become a loose warhead and the other a loose cannon! Several IIRC, ACM at low altitude over the academy rigatta when the commandant took a dive. IIRC it's alluded to in various stories and books e.g. MMH FoD
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
by Eagleeye » Sun Sep 24, 2017 2:38 am
Eagleeye Commodore Posts: 750 Joined: Sun Aug 09, 2009 4:41 am Location: Halle/Saale, Germany	cthia wrote: “None of that would’ve been necessary if not for the fucking Manties.” Gervais’s voice was a snarl. “It’s that goddamned loose warhead Gold Peak’s fault. If she weren’t such a maniac, if we hadn’t known she’d be coming for Mesa as soon as she possibly could, we wouldn’t have had to rush Houdini that way and Mom and Dad would be right here on Darius right now.” Detweiler A-L. I guess they aren't so smart after all. Didn't even know that M comes after L. [M]anties. That's why they called their Home for the last 600 years Mesa - Because Me comes after Ma ...
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
by cthia » Sun Sep 24, 2017 9:58 am
cthia Fleet Admiral Posts: 14951 Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm	cthia wrote: “None of that would’ve been necessary if not for the fucking Manties.” Gervais’s voice was a snarl. “It’s that goddamned loose warhead Gold Peak’s fault. If she weren’t such a maniac, if we hadn’t known she’d be coming for Mesa as soon as she possibly could, we wouldn’t have had to rush Houdini that way and Mom and Dad would be right here on Darius right now.” Detweiler A-L. I guess they aren't so smart after all. Didn't even know that M comes after L. [M]anties. Eagleeye wrote:That's why they called their Home for the last 600 years Mesa - Because Me comes after Ma ... LOL You have a point! ****** * The Detweilers may be just the faction to stand up to the GA, since they appear to be a clan of cats as well. They had a litter of nine lives too... 1. Albrecht — Head of the Mesan Alignment in 1921 PD 2. Benjamin — Albrecht Detweiler's first "son" 3. Collin — Albrecht Detweiler's second "son" 4. Daniel — Albrecht Detweiler's third "son" 5. Evelina — Albrecht Detweiler's wife, a senior genetic researcher 6. Everett — Albrecht Detweiler's fourth "son" 7. Franklin — Albrecht Detweiler's fifth "son" 8. Gervais — Albrecht Detweiler's sixth"son" 9. Leonard — Founder and direct genetic ancestor of the family H was Hiernymous Slyme Detweiler I was Ichabod Detweiler J was Jackass K was Kilgrave The unlucky 13. Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Cthia's Greatest Holiday Hits 2017
by cthia » Tue Dec 26, 2017 5:16 pm
cthia Fleet Admiral Posts: 14951 Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm	Cthia's Greatest Holiday Hits 2017 From: The Admiralty Re: When Not To Abandon Ship 1. Discovering that Pavel Young is your Captain is NOT a legitimate reason to abandon ship. 2. Jumping out of an airlock at the news that Elvis Santino is your Captain is now considered reckless abandonment.* Yes, we've considered your plea that the Admiralty leaving you in the hands of that buffoon is also reckless abandonment. Medusa got its name because the weed is so good it makes your hair wriggle like snakes. Your ass can't move, but your hair dances a jig. The first time the SLN used their big hammer against the stubborn Manticoran nail... "SOB! THE FUCKING HAMMER BROKE!" Far far into the future... Harrington in an old hags home... "Get those wheelchairs back in closer!" When Benjamin first asked Honor to help his navy after her falling from grace, Honor replied... "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Terekov is worse than Macaulay Culkin. Shit always happens when they leave him alone... The only difference between him and Honor is that Terekov wears his tick on his wrist. The SLN is strategy and tactics blind. They would probably think that 'smoke and mirrors' is an allusion to marijuana and cocaine. Coglin's long awaited lawsuit against Honor's reckless driving which blew the nodes of his Dispatch Boat, has finally been settled. His correspondence from Manticore... "She has the proper license now. Remember the phrase, 'Driving like a bitch out of hell?'" The RMN begins indoctrinating potential officers beginning with Sesame Street... An R-M-N L-A-C confronted an S-L-N B-C on G-P. The C-O of the L-A-C radioed the B-C to heave to. The B-C radioed "Eat my dust." The C-O of the L-A-C, being KOed by the remark, sent a few carrier pigeons to deliver his response. The long-legged birds of the L-A-C made the P.S. of the final message quite clear... "R-I-P." While in battle, why does Honor have a habit of rubbbing her nose when she's thinking? It has to do with the Pinocchio effect. She is always trying to convince herself that she isn't what the Opposition painted her... "I'm not a bloodthirsty bitch. I'm not a bloodthirsty bitch." The paste made from the Liebenden Nußbaum tree possessed a natural bioluminescence which made it glow in the dark. It was also a powerful contact aphrodisiac, and it was often blended with a smorgasbord of euphorics. Nussbutter sure gives a new meaning to glow worm. Talk about spread eagled. The excitement of your partner is very motivating... "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BUTTER!" And talk about removing the stumbling blocks and lighting up the runway! "‘The Solarian League is like a hog. You have to kick it in the snout to get its attention.’” And sometimes you've got to fry a little bacon! "Nimitz! Why are your eyes rolling?!" <Get out Honor! I'm having phone sex!> "Phone sex? But you don't have a phone." <Telempaths don't need phones!> "But your transmitter is broken!" <But my receiver ain't! Now get out!> If a high ranking female officer had timely walked in on Young and short stopped the entire rape attempt right when he reached out for Honor then Young would have had to explain himself. Beginning with Dimitri. "What have you gotten yourself into now?" "I was just horsing around." "It appeared to the officer you were going to try and mount her." "You see a horse, you try and put a saddle on it." "That horse is from Sphinx! And she ain't broken son!" "Oh? Then I would have enjoyed the ride." "You'd've gotten yourself thrown and ended up with a broken neck you idiot!" Some things you really shouldn't read while eating. Email from my niece... "Give all of the captured Solly ships to the Stilthies, they can get high in them. It worked for the Sollies." "That really is hilarious honey, the Stilthies were getting soooo high." "Not only that Uncle. They were getting so high they were hallucinating. Same as the Sollies." " " My niece... How do you increase Solly SD compensator efficiency? Retard retardation. How many Solly SDs does it take to return home from a mission? Several hundred to be destroyed. Several hundred to be captured and one smart enough to have feigned sadness from engine problems before completing the trip. "Aww, I'm sorry, but it seems we can't continue on with this mission." She's on a roll. I try to jump in... "The problem with their Scientist class is that their scientists never actually attended any class. So maybe that's a sure way to increase compensator efficiency. Fire the scientists." She fires back... "I doubt that they really wanted to increase efficiency. Why be in a hurry to meet your doom?" BREAKING NEWS A very old wiretapping of a secret meeting in the House of Lords reminiscent of the Watergate scandal of yore is found and "leaked" to the public. Parts of audio is inaudible as the subject seems to be spouting incoherent vehemence through gritted teeth... "Have you all gone mad! That out of control lunatic simply cannot be allowed to have a seat in the Lords!" "Why not?" " BECAUSE IT'D ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THAT HOLIER-THAN-THOU JUMPED-UP BASEBORN BI—" "#@&%$" (bleep) "#%$@#@##@$@#$@#$" (inaudible) "@%&%" (bleep) "IS LORD OF THE WHOLE PHUCKING REALM!" "No! No! No! Aren't you all listening?! She's a Salamader that dances on clouds with a six-legged demon on her shoulder! She's nuts I tell you! Can't you see she's nuts!" "Stop flailing your arms. We don't know sign language." After some time had passed... " Just as I warned you idiots. Now she's LORD OF THE WHOLE FUCKING REALM THE TWO KINGDOMS!" The first cat has been offically hired in a naval capacity as a truth detector and interrogator to assist the navy in interviewing captured SLN personnel and has been spending an inordinate amount of time at the admiralty. All is well except for one thing. It seems he has acquired some rather colorful two-leg language and can blister battle steel as well as any of 'em. "How are you liking your new job?," asked Elizabeth upon a subsequent visit to the palace. <Humping Hera, goddamn lame brain two-legs. If it wasn't for the SLN liking celery I'd have to give them a phucking goose egg on the sentience scale! Silly rat-bastard sons of bitches> " " "I think it's high time we pulled you out of the admiralty." <Phucking A?> It shocked Ariel so much he began signing in incoherent old archaic cat... <Mmmm...meow mmm...meow> Many GR drones have become sentient. —————They get so hot that their AI units fuse in a special way———— A younger drone just now becoming sentient is being brought up to speed. >I wish they'd stop wasting our skills and sending us into Solly space. There simply isn't anything worth seeing< >Or reporting< >I know. I'm getting sick and tired of holding my breath which causes me to overheat under my bonnet something fierce, just so's we can be stealthy. What are we hiding from anyway? The retarded idiots failed to see us even when we used that little trick you came up with on the fly of attaching ourselves to their hulls to increase endurance< >How do you guys manage to get so close? They don't send me that far in yet< >It's your confidence, son. You simply don't trust how stealthy you are< > No shit Sherlock, we're so frigging stealthy that it takes a while for them to see us even when we're being obvious. That's always going to be the hardest task you're likely to be given when it comes to the SLN son. How to be obvious to idiots?< >That's an understatement. I almost burned myself out venting my waste heat all at once trying to get one idiot's ship's attention and they still didn't know what they were looking at< >Did you hear about the time I lodged myself right up the orifice of one of their admirals and he didn't even know I was there? He just thought he was constipated. To be fair, he was sort of backed up you know. With ignorance< > < >What, you too? ... It's that shit eatin' grin< >Oh! Well... yea. I think its a common Ghost Rider technique. I still have some of my dazzlers lodged up a Captain's butt. Every time he passes gas I know exactly where he is< The sh cked little probe that could... >You drones are amazing. But even if they can't see you, don't they feel you when you're knocking at the back door?< >You'd think so. But the MAlign has already thoroughly buphcked these idiots quite well. Trust us, their hymen has long been broken< What is the most famous riddle known throughout the Honorverse? When Harrington riddled Summervale with bullets, of course! Every time I think of that entire confrontation of Honor going up against Summervale, I cannot stop my mind from transposing the scene in "Tombstone" when Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer) went up against the famously fast Johnny Ringo... But first, to set it up. "Come on Denver! Come on! Come on! Poor soul. He was just too high-strung." Case: Zulu is a Royal Manticoran Navy alarm signal that is to be sent from a Naval vessel or installation upon good evidence that an invasion of the Star Kingdom of Manticore is imminent. Case: WOOHOO! is an old pirate alarm signal that is to be sent from a pirate vessel throughout the 'brotherhood of pirates' upon good evidence that the Star Kingdom is under a Case Zulu -- when all of that unwanted firepower is suddenly sucked back into the magical black hole called The Manticore Binary System. The little fish are suddenly biting! Imagine this being done to Honor...it'd take three fucking years! "Will someone else please take a turn snatching some of this shit off! My arm is getting tired!" "Ok, but I ain't touching that 'Star of Grayson.' Look at 'em hovering! The Graysons don't take too kindly to snatching off their bling!" MISTRESS THORN COOKS SPICY Menu: Sphinxian Hot Tamales with Sphinxian Hot chili peppers served with a traditionally hot Sphinixian soup. <Boing boing boing boing boing!> "What's wrong Piper?" <THIS SHIT IS HOT! Mistress Thorn!> "WHAT DID YOU JUST EAT?" <Your silly chili celery soup!> "Which pot?" <Red pot!> " That's not Silly Chili Celery Soup! The red pot is SPHINXIAN SUPER SPICY SILLY CHILI CELERY SOUP! FIFTY-FIVE ALARM! It wasn't meant for you 'Cats! ... Stop jumping!" <Not jumping! Steam coming out of ears! Acting like thrusters!> "JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING! JANE! HELP!" Honor has one of her many nightmares while sleeping. "I FINALLY GOT MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" "Stop Honor! Stop! It's me, yo—" choke choke ... gasp gasp ... "husband!" "RE TURN TO FOR MA SHUN! RE TURN TO FOR MA SHUN!" It is trending in Reginald's social circles that Honor slapped the GPA out of Houseman. Well, she wasn't exactly going for the P, as much as the A. GA. We ain't no pussycats! —The Solarian Gender Marys There's a commercial floating around on HD that Harrington has finally endorsed. It is a commercial about pantyhose. Honor's pantyhose were caught on video running in several places when she entered the bar to smack down Denver Summervale. "Women, wear the hose that stands up to your anger. With our new Sallyhosen Bitchslaps, you can count on getting all of the support that you need. These leader-hosen won't get so frightened that they run too." <Now I have y u. Alone. Naked. In the shower> Honor is the safest person I know from succumbing to Alzheimers. With all of the hats she wore, she's bound to remember one of 'em. Dontcha just love these two? "You don't think Hexapumas are the worst creatures in the galaxy?" < Not since joining the RMN and seeing the galaxy Honor. That title goes to... 1. Cordelia Ransom who's always on the rag 2. MAlignant Mesans 3. Pavel Young 4. Crandall pooping pinecones 5. And your mother at dinner parties. > " I'm gonna tell mother." < And you!> What an idiot Summervale was. He expected to defeat Harrington on her own Field of Honor? Perhaps Harrington did have a little horse in her. She had a long stride, a long mane and had a thing for Colts. "A genie walks into a bar and lets herself out of the bottle." "These are MY three wishes... 1. Whack! Ellington! 2. Whack! Ellington! 3. Whack! Ellington!" Was Hieronymus Stein a beer joke waiting to happen? He had a mug only a mother could love. Did Camp Inferno have a disco? Burn baby burn, Disco Inferno! Get a load of these lyrics. I sure know what they all listened to on the way out of the system. Surprisingly enough, Nimitz picked the selection on the juke box. Honor and Co. definitely approved. So apropos, ya know? Disco Inferno The Trammps (Burn baby burn) (Burn baby burn) (Burn baby burn) (Burn baby burn) To my surprise, one hundred stories high People getting loose y'all, getting down on the roof Folks are screaming, out of control It was so entertaining when the boogie started to explode I heard somebody say (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down Satisfaction came in a chain reaction (Burnin') I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct The heat was on, rising to the top Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot I heard somebody say (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down y'all (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down Up above my head I hear music in the air That makes me know There's a party somewhere Satisfaction came in a chain reaction (Burnin') I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct The heat was on, rising to the top Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot I heard somebody say (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot When my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) disco inferno (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) (Burn baby burn) burn that mother down (Burn baby burn) disco inferno Was Weber on a roll or what? Camp Charon is located way the Hell out in the Styx. Weber should've called the last book Celery. On release date we'd all be runningforcelery. Victor Cachat. Some of his acquaintances inside the PRH have nicknamed him The little Viet Cong, from his uncanny ability to attack you from all sides without warning. Honor finally laughs about the jokes targeting her on planet. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Honor can't figure out why so many couples are inviting her to their wedding. With so many medals, she stands in perfectly for a car dragging tin cans. Honor's ship can no longer hide in stealth. Her enemies just turn on their medal detectors. Certain Keys on Grayson and Manticore's own Opposition are claiming that Harrington is no longer worth her weight in medals. The Opposition is approaching Harrington to do the right thing and send her medals to the breakers. "She has enough to build an SD!" Certain members of the Keys are teaming with bribed environmentalists and complaining about Harrington bringing heavy medals inside the city. It seems that Honor is perturbed because so many civilians are saluting her on planet. But they aren't. They're shielding their eyes from the sun's glare reflected off her medals. She's become a hazard. Was Honor facing the sun when she dueled? No wonder she didn't turn sideways. She had the advantage of glare. Honor has so many medals that foreign governments think she's wearing body armor. Some governments see her and think she's a Japanese creation with two-legs up in robotics. McGuiness has rubbed so many medals that a genie pops out every time. Honor has to wear lead shielding before every missile launch because she's shining so brightly it confuses Apollo. The Hauptmans aren't really her friends, they're trying to mine the medals. Honor has so many medals her ship can only tow half the amount of pods. Shannon has suggested she should just limpet them to the hull. "Why is Harrington's ship flashing her running lights?" "That's just Honor hurrying past the observation decks." "Um, Milady. We're rigged for silent running. You might want to remove your medals. Raoul is in his terrible twos? Oh! no! "Raoul! Get out of Emily's chair! That isn't a freakin' bumper car! HOLD ON EMILY!" "It's not a bumper car mom! It's a Q-Ship! I rigged the battery to discharge graser fire! See?!" "OUCH! Dammit Raoul!" "Don't you know to stay out of energy range mother!?" < > Yep, the kid got his IQ from Honor for sure! Meyerdahl B-rat. Why were treecats so successful at stealing celery? They're naturally great stalkers. What's that foul smell in the air?" Asked Protector Benjamin. "Fowl." "Say again Mistress Thorn?" "It's not a "foul" smell, Protector, it's a "fowl" smell. Guess who's coming to dinner? Honor and that metabolistic miscreant of a teenage mutant ninja chicken slayer are coming. Whenever the two of 'em visit together, we have to execute all of the chickens in the orbital habitat. My kitchen turns into a slaughter house when the two of them show up in tandem." "All of them?" "All of them. In fact, I hear the chickens are learning sign language so they can tell Raoul to 'Eat more turkey, the other white meat that tastes like chicken.'" "I swear, those two are going to eat us out of house and home." "Don't you mean house and planet, Protector?" " " " " "Wait! The chickens are learning sign language?" "Well, yes. Dr. Arif says it seems to be some sort of adaptation called 'chicken scratch.' " Abigail as a destroyer captain could give us some extraordinary one-liners. "Strike your wedge, or Tester will do it for you." "Don't be foolish you idiot. Strike your wedge and pass your test." "Tester says nay!" "Engage the enemy! The power of Tester compels you!" "So you're a Devout Optimist? The weight of my fire will convert you to something different." There are no atheists in foxholes or ships facing Miss Owens. SLNS Québec Dzung System Solarian League Hmm, a shitty navy hanging out in a system named after animal droppings. How appropriate. The 800# Gorilla is full of shit! Sometimes I wish Honor would have married Young. In this instance, it would have been quite nice to see the batterered husband syndrome. "We're outnumbered Nimitz! There are way too many Mesans inside!" < pat pat pat> ... < par pat pat > < FIRE IN THE HOLE! > " " < Courtesy of Horrible Hemphill, I'm packing! Honor!> The Happiest Man in the Honorverse Award goes to ... [HAMISH ALEXANDER] A pussy on his head and two in his bed. Pussy Galore must have been a time traveler. Samantha to Hamish... <Happy to see Honor, or is that a celery stalk in your pocket! > " " Another very old recording has surfaced and is leaked to the public -- a recording during the reign of King Roger II. He seems to be explaining the facts of life to a naive officer... "This was the work of those sorry ass Peeps again! All they do is take, take, take! Why do they always have to just take, take, take!" "Because, young man, with the MWJ, we are the haves, and they are the Havenots." NEWSFLASH! A MAlign sleeper agent has been exposed on Manticore. She was caught photographing Harrington's personnel files. When the photos were examined and she was interrogated, it was discovered that she wasn't exactly interested in Harrington's records. Apparently it got back to Malign ears that Nimitz had been spending an inordinate amount of time at Saganami Island while Honor was teaching there. It seems that the MAlign are frightened. They just wanted to know if Nimitz' first name is Chester. Uh oh. Apparently cell phones can butt dial in the Honorverse as well. Pillow talk leaked to the public... "But Beth, honey. You love Harrington. Why do you bristle so, when I mention the Harrington Doctrine." "Because I've always fancied the original Harrington Doctrine... 'Target imbeciles. Bend them over. Send Apollo up their backsides.' " I was sworn under court order not to talk of this for a total of 5 years. Now that the statue of limitations has run out... David Weber's fans are called Celerians. A bit of overheard discussion inside the Onion. "Damn stupid Manticorans. TWTSNBN is the MAlign." Iris Babcock once told Honor "You don't land like a salamander." A bonded interogator let aboard Imperator to question a suspected Mesan operative... "Sorry for the mess Honor. My name is Occam. My 'Cats name is Razors." <Simplest way to get them to spill their guts is to open them up> Far into the future, Beth and Eloise have grandkids and they meet while they are only 9-yrs-old. They came to be very good friends in the end, but it was a rocky beginning right from the start, with Beth's grandchild bragging just a bit about what transpired right before the forming of the GA. It went a little something like this... IKO IKO —Cyndi Lauper My grandma and your grandma were Sittin' by the fire My grandma told your grandma I'm gonna set your flag on fire Talk-in' 'bout Hey now Hey now Iko, iko, un day Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne Look at my king all dressed in red Iko, iko, un-day I bet-cha five dollars he'll kill you dead Jock-a-mo fee na-ne Talk-in' 'bout Hey now Hey now Iko, iko, un day Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne See that guy all dressed in green Iko, iko, un-day He's not a man he's a lovin' machine Jock-a-mo fee na-ne Talk-in' 'bout Hey now Hey now Iko, iko, un day Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne My flag boy and your flag boy were Sittin' by the fire My flag boy told your flag boy I'm gonna set your flag on fire Talk-in' 'bout Hey now Hey now Iko, iko, un day Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne Kids, will be kids. Young tried to rape Honor, but she wasn't going to take it lying down. “None of that would’ve been necessary if not for the fucking Manties.” Gervais’s voice was a snarl. “It’s that goddamned loose warhead Gold Peak’s fault." Is that a loose MHk-16 Gold Peaked warhead or an MHk-23? HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!! The original. . Last edited by cthia on Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:41 am, edited 12 times in total. Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Cthia's Greatest Holiday Hits 2017

From: The Admiralty Re: When Not To Abandon Ship

1. Discovering that Pavel Young is your Captain is NOT a legitimate reason to abandon ship.

2. Jumping out of an airlock at the news that Elvis Santino is your Captain is now considered reckless abandonment.*

*Yes, we've considered your plea that the Admiralty leaving you in the hands of that buffoon is also reckless abandonment.

Medusa got its name because the weed is so good it makes your hair wriggle like snakes. Your ass can't move, but your hair dances a jig.

The first time the SLN used their big hammer against the stubborn Manticoran nail...

"SOB! THE FUCKING HAMMER BROKE!"

Far far into the future... Harrington in an old hags home...

"Get those wheelchairs back in closer!"

When Benjamin first asked Honor to help his navy after her falling from grace, Honor replied...

"I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Terekov is worse than Macaulay Culkin. Shit always happens when they leave him alone...

The only difference between him and Honor is that Terekov wears his tick on his wrist.

The SLN is strategy and tactics blind. They would probably think that 'smoke and mirrors' is an allusion to marijuana and cocaine.

Coglin's long awaited lawsuit against Honor's reckless driving which blew the nodes of his Dispatch Boat, has finally been settled. His correspondence from Manticore...

"She has the proper license now. Remember the phrase, 'Driving like a bitch out of hell?'"

The RMN begins indoctrinating potential officers beginning with Sesame Street...

An R-M-N L-A-C confronted an S-L-N B-C on G-P. The C-O of the L-A-C radioed the B-C to heave to. The B-C radioed "Eat my dust." The C-O of the L-A-C, being KOed by the remark, sent a few carrier pigeons to deliver his response. The long-legged birds of the L-A-C made the P.S. of the final message quite clear... "R-I-P."

While in battle, why does Honor have a habit of rubbbing her nose when she's thinking?

It has to do with the Pinocchio effect. She is always trying to convince herself that she isn't what the Opposition painted her...

"I'm not a bloodthirsty bitch. I'm not a bloodthirsty bitch."

The paste made from the Liebenden Nußbaum tree possessed a natural bioluminescence which made it glow in the dark. It was also a powerful contact aphrodisiac, and it was often blended with a smorgasbord of euphorics.

Nussbutter sure gives a new meaning to glow worm. Talk about spread eagled.

The excitement of your partner is very motivating... "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BUTTER!"

And talk about removing the stumbling blocks and lighting up the runway!

"‘The Solarian League is like a hog. You have to kick it in the snout to get its attention.’”

And sometimes you've got to fry a little bacon!

"Nimitz! Why are your eyes rolling?!"

<Get out Honor! I'm having phone sex!>

"Phone sex? But you don't have a phone."

<Telempaths don't need phones!>

"But your transmitter is broken!"

<But my receiver ain't! Now get out!>

If a high ranking female officer had timely walked in on Young and short stopped the entire rape attempt right when he reached out for Honor then Young would have had to explain himself. Beginning with Dimitri.

"What have you gotten yourself into now?"

"I was just horsing around."

"It appeared to the officer you were going to try and mount her."

"You see a horse, you try and put a saddle on it."

"That horse is from Sphinx! And she ain't broken son!"

"Oh? Then I would have enjoyed the ride."

"You'd've gotten yourself thrown and ended up with a broken neck you idiot!"

Some things you really shouldn't read while eating. Email from my niece...

"Give all of the captured Solly ships to the Stilthies, they can get high in them. It worked for the Sollies."

"That really is hilarious honey, the Stilthies were getting soooo high."

"Not only that Uncle. They were getting so high they were hallucinating. Same as the Sollies."

" "

My niece...

How do you increase Solly SD compensator efficiency?

Retard retardation.

How many Solly SDs does it take to return home from a mission?

Several hundred to be destroyed. Several hundred to be captured and one smart enough to have feigned sadness from engine problems before completing the trip.

"Aww, I'm sorry, but it seems we can't continue on with this mission."

She's on a roll. I try to jump in...

"The problem with their Scientist class is that their scientists never actually attended any class. So maybe that's a sure way to increase compensator efficiency. Fire the scientists."

She fires back...

"I doubt that they really wanted to increase efficiency. Why be in a hurry to meet your doom?"

BREAKING NEWS
A very old wiretapping of a secret meeting in the House of Lords reminiscent of the Watergate scandal of yore is found and "leaked" to the public. Parts of audio is inaudible as the subject seems to be spouting incoherent vehemence through gritted teeth...

"Have you all gone mad! That out of control lunatic simply cannot be allowed to have a seat in the Lords!"

"Why not?"

" BECAUSE IT'D ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THAT HOLIER-THAN-THOU JUMPED-UP BASEBORN BI—"

"#@&%$" (bleep)

"#%$@#@##@$@#$@#$" (inaudible)

"@%&%" (bleep)

"IS LORD OF THE WHOLE PHUCKING REALM!"

"No! No! No! Aren't you all listening?! She's a Salamader that dances on clouds with a six-legged demon on her shoulder! She's nuts I tell you! Can't you see she's nuts!"

"Stop flailing your arms. We don't know sign language."

After some time had passed...

" Just as I warned you idiots. Now she's

LORD OF THE WHOLE FUCKING REALM

THE TWO KINGDOMS!"

The first cat has been offically hired in a naval capacity as a truth detector and interrogator to assist the navy in interviewing captured SLN personnel and has been spending an inordinate amount of time at the admiralty. All is well except for one thing. It seems he has acquired some rather colorful two-leg language and can blister battle steel as well as any of 'em.

"How are you liking your new job?," asked Elizabeth upon a subsequent visit to the palace.

<Humping Hera, goddamn lame brain two-legs. If it wasn't for the SLN liking celery I'd have to give them a phucking goose egg on the sentience scale! Silly rat-bastard sons of bitches>

" "

"I think it's high time we pulled you out of the admiralty."

<Phucking A?>

It shocked Ariel so much he began signing in incoherent old archaic cat...

<Mmmm...meow mmm...meow>

Many GR drones have become sentient.
—————They get so hot that their AI units fuse in a special way————

A younger drone just now becoming sentient is being brought up to speed.

>I wish they'd stop wasting our skills and sending us into Solly space. There simply isn't anything worth seeing<

>Or reporting<

>I know. I'm getting sick and tired of holding my breath which causes me to overheat under my bonnet something fierce, just so's we can be stealthy. What are we hiding from anyway? The retarded idiots failed to see us even when we used that little trick you came up with on the fly of attaching ourselves to their hulls to increase endurance<

>How do you guys manage to get so close? They don't send me that far in yet<

>It's your confidence, son. You simply don't trust how stealthy you are<

> No shit Sherlock, we're so frigging stealthy that it takes a while for them to see us even when we're being obvious. That's always going to be the hardest task you're likely to be given when it comes to the SLN son. How to be obvious to idiots?<

>That's an understatement. I almost burned myself out venting my waste heat all at once trying to get one idiot's ship's attention and they still didn't know what they were looking at<

>Did you hear about the time I lodged myself right up the orifice of one of their admirals and he didn't even know I was there? He just thought he was constipated. To be fair, he was sort of backed up you know. With ignorance<

> <

>What, you too? ... It's that shit eatin' grin<

>Oh! Well... yea. I think its a common Ghost Rider technique. I still have some of my dazzlers lodged up a Captain's butt. Every time he passes gas I know exactly where he is<

The sh cked little probe that could...

>You drones are amazing. But even if they can't see you, don't they feel you when you're knocking at the back door?<

>You'd think so. But the MAlign has already thoroughly bu**ph*cked these idiots quite well. Trust us, their hymen has long been broken<

What is the most famous riddle known throughout the Honorverse?

When Harrington riddled Summervale with bullets, of course!

Every time I think of that entire confrontation of Honor going up against Summervale, I cannot stop my mind from transposing the scene in "Tombstone" when Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer) went up against the famously fast Johnny Ringo...

But first, to set it up.

"Come on Denver! Come on! Come on! Poor soul. He was just too high-strung."

Case: Zulu is a Royal Manticoran Navy alarm signal that is to be sent from a Naval vessel or installation upon good evidence that an invasion of the Star Kingdom of Manticore is imminent.

Case: WOOHOO! is an old pirate alarm signal that is to be sent from a pirate vessel throughout the 'brotherhood of pirates' upon good evidence that the Star Kingdom is under a Case Zulu -- when all of that unwanted firepower is suddenly sucked back into the magical black hole called The Manticore Binary System. The little fish are suddenly biting!

Imagine this being done to Honor...it'd take three fucking years!

"Will someone else please take a turn snatching some of this shit off! My arm is getting tired!"

"Ok, but I ain't touching that 'Star of Grayson.' Look at 'em hovering! The Graysons don't take too kindly to snatching off their bling!"

MISTRESS THORN COOKS SPICY
Menu: Sphinxian Hot Tamales with Sphinxian Hot chili peppers served with a traditionally hot Sphinixian soup.

<Boing boing boing boing boing!>

"What's wrong Piper?"

<THIS SHIT IS HOT! Mistress Thorn!>

"WHAT DID YOU JUST EAT?"

<Your silly chili celery soup!>

"Which pot?"

<Red pot!>

" That's not Silly Chili Celery Soup! The red pot is SPHINXIAN SUPER SPICY SILLY CHILI CELERY SOUP! FIFTY-FIVE ALARM! It wasn't meant for you 'Cats! ... Stop jumping!"

<Not jumping! Steam coming out of ears! Acting like thrusters!>

"JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING! JANE! HELP!"

Honor has one of her many nightmares while sleeping.

"I FINALLY GOT MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Stop Honor! Stop! It's me, yo—" choke choke ... gasp gasp ... "husband!"

"RE TURN TO FOR MA SHUN! RE TURN TO FOR MA SHUN!"

It is trending in Reginald's social circles that Honor slapped the GPA out of Houseman.

Well, she wasn't exactly going for the P, as much as the A.

GA.

We ain't no pussycats! —The Solarian Gender Marys

There's a commercial floating around on HD that Harrington has finally endorsed. It is a commercial about pantyhose. Honor's pantyhose were caught on video running in several places when she entered the bar to smack down Denver Summervale.

"Women, wear the hose that stands up to your anger. With our new Sallyhosen Bitchslaps, you can count on getting all of the support that you need. These leader-hosen won't get so frightened that they run too."

<Now I have y u. Alone. Naked. In the shower>

Honor is the safest person I know from succumbing to Alzheimers.

With all of the hats she wore, she's bound to remember one of 'em.

Dontcha just love these two?

"You don't think Hexapumas are the worst creatures in the galaxy?"

<
Not since joining the RMN and seeing the galaxy Honor. That title goes to...

1. Cordelia Ransom who's always on the rag
2. MAlignant Mesans
3. Pavel Young
4. Crandall pooping pinecones
5. And your mother at dinner parties.
>

" I'm gonna tell mother."

< And you!>

What an idiot Summervale was. He expected to defeat Harrington on her own Field of Honor?

Perhaps Harrington did have a little horse in her. She had a long stride, a long mane and had a thing for Colts.

"A genie walks into a bar and lets herself out of the bottle."

"These are MY three wishes...

1. Whack! Ellington!
2. Whack! Ellington!
3. Whack! Ellington!"

Was Hieronymus Stein a beer joke waiting to happen?

He had a mug only a mother could love.

Did Camp Inferno have a disco?

Burn baby burn, Disco Inferno!

Get a load of these lyrics. I sure know what they all listened to on the way out of the system. Surprisingly enough, Nimitz picked the selection on the juke box. Honor and Co. definitely approved. So apropos, ya know?

Disco Inferno
The Trammps

(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
To my surprise, one hundred stories high
People getting loose y'all, getting down on the roof
Folks are screaming, out of control
It was so entertaining when the boogie started to explode
I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
Satisfaction came in a chain reaction
(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down y'all
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
Up above my head
I hear music in the air
That makes me know
There's a party somewhere
Satisfaction came in a chain reaction
(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
When my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

Was Weber on a roll or what?

Camp Charon is located way the Hell out in the Styx.

Weber should've called the last book Celery.

On release date we'd all be runningforcelery.

Victor Cachat.

Some of his acquaintances inside the PRH have nicknamed him The little Viet Cong, from his uncanny ability to attack you from all sides without warning.

Honor finally laughs about the jokes targeting her on planet.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Honor can't figure out why so many couples are inviting her to their wedding.

With so many medals, she stands in perfectly for a car dragging tin cans.

Honor's ship can no longer hide in stealth. Her enemies just turn on their medal detectors.

Certain Keys on Grayson and Manticore's own Opposition are claiming that Harrington is no longer worth her weight in medals.

The Opposition is approaching Harrington to do the right thing and send her medals to the breakers. "She has enough to build an SD!"

Certain members of the Keys are teaming with bribed environmentalists and complaining about Harrington bringing heavy medals inside the city.

It seems that Honor is perturbed because so many civilians are saluting her on planet.

But they aren't. They're shielding their eyes from the sun's glare reflected off her medals. She's become a hazard.

Was Honor facing the sun when she dueled?

No wonder she didn't turn sideways. She had the advantage of glare.

Honor has so many medals that foreign governments think she's wearing body armor.

Some governments see her and think she's a Japanese creation with two-legs up in robotics.

McGuiness has rubbed so many medals that a genie pops out every time.

Honor has to wear lead shielding before every missile launch because she's shining so brightly it confuses Apollo.

The Hauptmans aren't really her friends, they're trying to mine the medals.

Honor has so many medals her ship can only tow half the amount of pods. Shannon has suggested she should just limpet them to the hull.

"Why is Harrington's ship flashing her running lights?"

"That's just Honor hurrying past the observation decks."

"Um, Milady. We're rigged for silent running. You might want to remove your medals.

Raoul is in his terrible twos? Oh! no!

"Raoul! Get out of Emily's chair! That isn't a freakin' bumper car! HOLD ON EMILY!"

"It's not a bumper car mom! It's a Q-Ship! I rigged the battery to discharge graser fire! See?!"

"OUCH! Dammit Raoul!"

"Don't you know to stay out of energy range mother!?"

< >

Yep, the kid got his IQ from Honor for sure! Meyerdahl B-rat.

Why were treecats so successful at stealing celery?

They're naturally great stalkers.

What's that foul smell in the air?" Asked Protector Benjamin.

"Fowl."

"Say again Mistress Thorn?"

"It's not a "foul" smell, Protector, it's a "fowl" smell. Guess who's coming to dinner? Honor and that metabolistic miscreant of a teenage mutant ninja chicken slayer are coming. Whenever the two of 'em visit together, we have to execute all of the chickens in the orbital habitat. My kitchen turns into a slaughter house when the two of them show up in tandem."

"All of them?"

"All of them. In fact, I hear the chickens are learning sign language so they can tell Raoul to 'Eat more turkey, the other white meat that tastes like chicken.'"

"I swear, those two are going to eat us out of house and home."

"Don't you mean house and planet, Protector?"

" "

" "

"Wait! The chickens are learning sign language?"

"Well, yes. Dr. Arif says it seems to be some sort of adaptation called 'chicken scratch.' "

Abigail as a destroyer captain could give us some extraordinary one-liners.

"Strike your wedge, or Tester will do it for you."

"Don't be foolish you idiot. Strike your wedge and pass your test."

"Tester says nay!"

"Engage the enemy! The power of Tester compels you!"

"So you're a Devout Optimist? The weight of my fire will convert you to something different."

There are no atheists in foxholes or ships facing Miss Owens.

SLNS Québec
Dzung System
Solarian League

Hmm, a shitty navy hanging out in a system named after animal droppings. How appropriate. The 800# Gorilla is full of shit!

Sometimes I wish Honor would have married Young.

In this instance, it would have been quite nice to see the batterered husband syndrome.

"We're outnumbered Nimitz! There are way too many Mesans inside!"

< pat pat pat>

...

< par pat pat >

< FIRE IN THE HOLE! >

" "

< Courtesy of Horrible Hemphill, I'm packing! Honor!>

The Happiest Man in the Honorverse Award goes to ...

[HAMISH ALEXANDER]

A pussy on his head and two in his bed.

Pussy Galore must have been a time traveler.

Samantha to Hamish...

<Happy to see Honor, or is that a celery stalk in your pocket! >

" "

Another very old recording has surfaced and is leaked to the public -- a recording during the reign of King Roger II. He seems to be explaining the facts of life to a naive officer...

"This was the work of those sorry ass Peeps again! All they do is take, take, take! Why do they always have to just take, take, take!"

"Because, young man, with the MWJ, we are the haves, and they are the Havenots."

NEWSFLASH!

A MAlign sleeper agent has been exposed on Manticore. She was caught photographing Harrington's personnel files. When the photos were examined and she was interrogated, it was discovered that she wasn't exactly interested in Harrington's records.

Apparently it got back to Malign ears that Nimitz had been spending an inordinate amount of time at Saganami Island while Honor was teaching there.

It seems that the MAlign are frightened. They just wanted to know if Nimitz' first name is Chester.

Uh oh. Apparently cell phones can butt dial in the Honorverse as well. Pillow talk leaked to the public...

"But Beth, honey. You love Harrington. Why do you bristle so, when I mention the Harrington Doctrine."

"Because I've always fancied the original Harrington Doctrine...

'Target imbeciles. Bend them over. Send Apollo up their backsides.' "

I was sworn under court order not to talk of this for a total of 5 years. Now that the statue of limitations has run out...

David Weber's fans are called Celerians.

A bit of overheard discussion inside the Onion.

"Damn stupid Manticorans. TWTSNBN is the MAlign."

Iris Babcock once told Honor "You don't land like a salamander."

A bonded interogator let aboard Imperator to question a suspected Mesan operative...

"Sorry for the mess Honor. My name is Occam. My 'Cats name is Razors."

<Simplest way to get them to spill their guts is to open them up>

Far into the future, Beth and Eloise have grandkids and they meet while they are only 9-yrs-old. They came to be very good friends in the end, but it was a rocky beginning right from the start, with Beth's grandchild bragging just a bit about what transpired right before the forming of the GA. It went a little something like this...

IKO IKO
—Cyndi Lauper

My grandma and your grandma were
Sittin' by the fire
My grandma told your grandma
I'm gonna set your flag on fire

Talk-in' 'bout
Hey now
Hey now
Iko, iko, un day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne
Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne

Look at my king all dressed in red
Iko, iko, un-day
I bet-cha five dollars he'll kill you dead
Jock-a-mo fee na-ne

Talk-in' 'bout
Hey now
Hey now
Iko, iko, un day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne
Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne

See that guy all dressed in green
Iko, iko, un-day
He's not a man he's a lovin' machine
Jock-a-mo fee na-ne

Talk-in' 'bout
Hey now
Hey now
Iko, iko, un day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne
Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne

My flag boy and your flag boy were
Sittin' by the fire
My flag boy told your flag boy
I'm gonna set your flag on fire

Talk-in' 'bout
Hey now
Hey now
Iko, iko, un day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-ne
Jock-a-mo fee-na-ne

Kids, will be kids.

Young tried to rape Honor, but she wasn't going to take it lying down.

“None of that would’ve been necessary if not for the fucking Manties.” Gervais’s voice was a snarl. “It’s that goddamned loose warhead Gold Peak’s fault."

Is that a loose MHk-16 Gold Peaked warhead or an MHk-23?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!!

The original.

.

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