Remedial English for we who fell madly in love

When I'm writing, oftentimes I'm stumped regarding certain grammatical rules. I don't think I learned a damned thing in several of my English classes because I fell madly in love with the drop-dead gorgeous, insanely beautiful, satirically sexy teachers. My nose was so wide open for those babes that they could have shoved their entire pointers up my proboscis and I wouldn't have felt a thing. And those pointers, wonderful instruments of my daydreaming that I'd be lain across their glorious laps and gotten my heiney whacked private school good...

"YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION AND GET AN A. GOT IT!? GOT IT!?"

"Oh, huh, wha... wha... what did you say Miss Lovely?"

No shocking details because this is a family oriented forum and I don't kiss and tell. BUT!... didn't learn a damn thing in English class. Except! How to get a girl.

Decades later I'm suddenly thinking... "I shoulda paid attention."

Anyone mind assisting without similarly pouring on the charm... or being condescending? Because, well, I don't think I would change a darn thing even if I had a do over. What went on in Vegas stays in Vegas, and I sure wouldn't change one dot or tittle. Besides, I turned out ok. My performance in other classes more than compensated and as a result I can afford an occasional prime rib or three.

Oh! And do feel free to bring any of my other mistakes here to correct. Hey, I was a bad bad boy in English and in English class. All of 'em!

And you'll just have to trust me, you wouldn't laugh if you'd met the instruments of my tardiness.


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I'd like to see Michelle Henke fall in love. She has no problem applying her makeup. Even taught Honor. Yet Honor has since added two, no, three loves. It is high time Michelle had some guy's or gal's nose open too.

In this passage, should it be [guy's or gal's] or [guy or gal's]

I believe it would be "guy's, or gal's, nose open too"

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Oh yeah, I remember/lust after my high school English teacher even now after 50 years... Miss Baker was a real flat-liner; make your heart stop just looking at her.

Senior Chief wrote:Oh yeah, I remember/lust after my high school English teacher even now after 50 years... Miss Baker was a real flat-liner; make your heart stop just looking at her.

A moment of silence for those memories.


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Except that I wasn't lusting Senior Chief. I was really in love. Madly in love. At least that is what I swore to my mom who insisted it was simply a schoolboy's lust filled crush that would soon subside.

Annachie wrote:I believe it would be "guy's, or gal's, nose open too"

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Aww Annachie, that is so simple. Don't know why I didn't see it. That's right. I wasn't paying attention in class. Your a good English teacher. Wait, that must mean... oh nooo!

I had an English teacher that was so hot, that the first day I walked into class I was pissed off at her...

"Alright, whose phucking idea was it to hire her? 'Cause I'm not going to learn a damn thing!"

And it wasn't just me. I recall looking around class and feeling the jealousy and outrage at the competition represented by every single male student's eyes spinning like kaleidoscopes. And many of the females too.

Only a handful of the girls in class didn't like the teacher. And that was because their bfs were sitting in class with them and they never got another kiss blown across the room to them.

One thing I learned. When there is a drop dead English teacher, you are going to get more play from the females in class because they are literally throwing themselves at you now, because they are getting absolutely no attention... none at all... from any guy. Even their own bfs. Because the bfs don't want the teacher to know they're taken. Every guy is swaying to the rustling of this particular teacher's skirt. In and out of class.


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Back on class material. I've noticed many an incorrect placement of punctuation marks when it comes to quotation marks. The punctuation should be contained inside of the quotes.

E.g.,

They just blew up "Harvest Joy".

should be

They just blew up "Harvest Joy."


I was paying attention that day because there was an older substitute teacher in class doing an unwelcome job of "filling in" for the sick teacher without actually "filling out" the position.

And a mistake that I purposely made above to highlight a common one...

Your a good English teacher.

should be

You're a good English teacher.

I think this mistake is made mostly as a result of being rushed.

Actually, back in high school, I failed english more times than I passed it.

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