I would imagine some very lively expletives out of the mouths of the Onion and a paralyzing attack of the "guppy syndrome."
Guppy Syndrome: Coined by my young niece around age 12. It represents the inaudible opening and closing of the mouth out of total shock. ... ...
And again, there's the existence of that file room. Reminds me of the North Hollow files.
Of peripheral interest...
He stopped talking, and silence hovered in the records storage room for long, fragile seconds. Then Okiku shook her head.
“My God,” she said softly. “No wonder people think you’re a fucking lunatic! But you really could be right.” She shook her head again, her expression an odd mix of wonder and fear. “You could.”
“Believe me, there’s nothing I’d like better than to be wrong,” he told her equally softly.
“So why bring me in on it?” she asked after a moment. “Trust me, I’m not going to be thanking you for it. If there’s anything at all to this theory of yours, whoever the conspirators are—‘Mesan Alignment’ or someone else entirely—they sure as hell aren’t shy about killing people. I’d just as soon not give them a reason to add me to their list.”
“You and me both,” al-Fanudahi said feelingly.
-SNIP-
“You are so going to get all of us killed,” Okiku said grimly.
Just might force an MA mistake.