Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

The Gospel of Beowulf
You wanna see sin of the wickedest kind?
Here it is!
You wanna see virtue left behind?
Here it is!
Sodom was vice
And visa-versa
You wanna say where the vice is worser?
Here it is!
I mean, here it is!

You wanna live life on the rottenest planet?
Here it is!
Women and whiskey, night and day?
Here it is!
You wanna embrace the golden calf?
Ankle, and thigh, and upper half?
Here it is!
I mean, here it is!

Beee-o-wulf
Beee-o-wulf
The Lord don't like it here

Beee-o-wulf
Beee-o-wulf
Your reckoning day is near

Beee-o-wulf
Beee-o-wulf
Here's what he's gonna do

God love this town
And swallow it down
And goodbye to you

Will you go to heaven?
Will you go to hell?
Either repent, or fare thee well

God will take care o' some Beowulf city
Comes the end, and it won't be pretty
Here it is!
I mean, here it is!

Here it is!
I mean, here it is!

Here it is!
I mean, here it is!
Amen!

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

pokermind wrote:Mange: <When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

<"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

<"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."
1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
2) How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?

<"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

<St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

<"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

<"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

<St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

<"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

<"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

<"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

<St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!">

Mange

Lester Tourville stared at his plot in horror as the impeller signatures of sixty-eight Republican ships of the wall abruptly vanished. Seventeen continued to burn on the display for another handful of seconds. Then they, too, vanished in what he devoutly hoped was a frantic hyper translation.