Political Jokes

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

Pinocchio was the illegitimate son of a politician.

My nephew would never make a good politician.
He knows the value of a dollar.

fallsfromtrees wrote:

TN4994 wrote:Today's politicians are well educated and surround themselves with enlightened advisers and speach writers.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." —Dan Quayle

What do you expect from someone who can't spell potato?

Well we have a President who honored Aretha Franklin this year with the following statement; "When Aretha first told us what … R-S-P-E-C-T meant to her ..." to mostly yawns from the media. Dan Quayle was handed a card by a school official that had the added 'e' on the end for the class spelling test (1992). Add the fact that 'potatoe' is an older but still valid spelling and then what? What would you have done?

Remember George Bush '41 being mocked for his amazement at a supermarket scanner? The common media reaction was that he was so 'out of touch' and a fogey! Truth was the scanner was new technology being demonstrated at a trade show and was amazing in its ability to read marred and almost destroyed bar codes - but that was an inconvenient fact for the desired meme.

The Prime Minister of Australia was asked, in his role as Minister for Women, what he thought his biggest contribution to the portfolio had been so far.

"As many of us know, women are particularly focused on the household budget and the repeal of the carbon tax means a $550 a year benefit for the average family.”

This is not actually a joke.

I don't know what's worse. That he would say something like this, or that it could actually be true.
Because he's done nothing else like tackled Domestic Violence or the gender pay gap or anything.

Annachie wrote:The Prime Minister of Australia was asked, in his role as Minister for Women, what he thought his biggest contribution to the portfolio had been so far.

"As many of us know, women are particularly focused on the household budget and the repeal of the carbon tax means a $550 a year benefit for the average family.”

This is not actually a joke.

I don't know what's worse. That he would say something like this, or that it could actually be true.
Because he's done nothing else like tackled Domestic Violence or the gender pay gap or anything.

Sounds similar to Senator John McCain's answers.

TN4994 wrote:

Annachie wrote:The Prime Minister of Australia was asked, in his role as Minister for Women, what he thought his biggest contribution to the portfolio had been so far.

"As many of us know, women are particularly focused on the household budget and the repeal of the carbon tax means a $550 a year benefit for the average family.”

This is not actually a joke.

I don't know what's worse. That he would say something like this, or that it could actually be true.
Because he's done nothing else like tackled Domestic Violence or the gender pay gap or anything.

Sounds similar to Senator John McCain's answers.

What do you expect from someone who would select Sarah Palin as a running mate.

If we get the politicians we deserve, we must have been very bad at some time.

This statement is just so wrong on so many levels, and the females of Australia have not missed him on social media. The median household income is about $66k so the figure of $550 is relatively insignificant, but independent economists say it actually is about half of that anyway, and new taxes imposed by his government dwarf it. Why is it the "little woman" who is particularly focused on the household budget? Plus as Annachie says, his government has done nothing to assist women, and indeed has defunded many programs that were in place to bridge the gender economic gap.

Annachie wrote:The Prime Minister of Australia was asked, in his role as Minister for Women, what he thought his biggest contribution to the portfolio had been so far.

"As many of us know, women are particularly focused on the household budget and the repeal of the carbon tax means a $550 a year benefit for the average family.”

This is not actually a joke.

I don't know what's worse. That he would say something like this, or that it could actually be true.
Because he's done nothing else like tackled Domestic Violence or the gender pay gap or anything.

Cows & Politics Explained

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

Cthia... I hope to blazes that you are either a native of Arkansas (and thus have joking rights) or are on the other side of the country from it...