Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies

How much time will pass before anyone in the US, with the surname Fife, will call a son Barney?

TN4994 wrote:How much time will pass before anyone in the US, with the surname Fife, will call a son Barney?

As soon as there's a wife of a Fife who bore in Mayberry.

A large penis is not the same as a penis at large.

cthia wrote:A large penis is not the same as a penis at large.

Nah, ain't going to touch this one.

Never rub a genie in the bottle the wrong way — during her cycle, you'll wish you could wish you hadn't.

The age old question ...

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Einstein taught us that there's no right or wrong answer. It's all relative.

If the moon is rising, at some point it's half full, at another it's half empty. When is it ever an empty moon?

I can see outer space, but where is inner space?

A man is always half bald, or more. It's not growing back. But, when a man has a full head of hair, isn't he half way to being half bald since he only has to lose the same amount of hair which made him half bald in the first place — effectively making a man half bald when he has all of his hair?

In my pre-teen trouble years, if caught half in my girlfriend's window — rather half in, I'd rather be half out, having already completed the task.

It gets tricky, like everything else, when it comes to political officials. Do you like them half in or half out? Don't rush that one!

My fiancée, a lovely English lass, informs me that she's half pissed about something or another. Sometimes I can get a smile if I ask "Are you calming up or calming down?"

And why is half ass doing something such a bad thing? It seems to strike the perfect balance. Would you want a full ass or empty ass job?

"We're half way there." As opposed to being full way there or empty way there? Language!

Why is there no half pregnant? There certainly is many a "I'm half way there!" and even a few "I half enjoyed it." and many "I full-y enjoyed it!" Regardless, I've heard a few "My dad's going to half kill us if I'm pregnant." I guess they always think I'm just going to half run. What is half kill anyways? Any measure of kill sounds the same.

What's on either side of "she's half pretty?"

And my same lovely fiancée, "You half frightened me!"
Is she angry I didn't fully frighten her? And what the heck would an empty frighten be?

And exactly how much money is half broke?

It seems that Earth is simultaneously half way to Heaven and half way to Hell. Which makes life a doozy of a first step.

cthia wrote:The age old question ...

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Einstein taught us that there's no right or wrong answer. It's all relative.

If the moon is rising, at some point it's half full, at another it's half empty. When is it ever an empty moon?

I can see outer space, but where is inner space?

A man is always half bald, or more. It's not growing back. But, when a man has a full head of hair, isn't he half way to being half bald since he only has to lose the same amount of hair which made him half bald in the first place — effectively making a man half bald when he has all of his hair?

In my pre-teen trouble years, if caught half in my girlfriend's window — rather half in, I'd rather be half out, having already completed the task.

It gets tricky, like everything else, when it comes to political officials. Do you like them half in or half out? Don't rush that one!

My fiancée, a lovely English lass, informs me that she's half pissed about something or another. Sometimes I can get a smile if I ask "Are you calming up or calming down?"

And why is half ass doing something such a bad thing? It seems to strike the perfect balance. Would you want a full ass or empty ass job?

"We're half way there." As opposed to being full way there or empty way there? Language!

Why is there no half pregnant? There certainly is many a "I'm half way there!" and even a few "I half enjoyed it." and many "I full-y enjoyed it!" Regardless, I've heard a few "My dad's going to half kill us if I'm pregnant." I guess they always think I'm just going to half run. What is half kill anyways? Any measure of kill sounds the same.

What's on either side of "she's half pretty?"

And my same lovely fiancée, "You half frightened me!"
Is she angry I didn't fully frighten her? And what the heck would an empty frighten be?

And exactly how much money is half broke?

I've read many an explination on the net about the origin of the term half-assed. Can't locate the one I'm familiar with. The ass pulling the cart halfway to town and refusing to go farther.

Here's another thought.
You're in a British Pub and order a half-'n-half. This results in the glass being either full or empty. Because if there is any liquid in the glass, it's still half-'n-half, and we all know that two halves make a whole.

cthia wrote:The age old question ...
snip

My fiancée, a lovely English lass, informs me that she's half pissed about something or another. Sometimes I can get a smile if I ask "Are you calming up or calming down?"

Or does this mean that she is only tipsy.

cthia wrote:The age old question ...

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Einstein taught us that there's no right or wrong answer. It's all relative.

The comment in the last panel of this cartoon is worth repeating.

"There's a funny thing that happens when you know the correct answer. It throws you when you get a different answer that's not wrong."

Instead of cats and dogs, in some parts of the world does it rain oxen and morons?

And why is the plural of ox oxen but the plural of fox is not foxen?