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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Nov 20, 2014 10:32 pm

Imaginos1892
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I have always wondered - what essential work does a "school board" do? They have always looked like administrative deadwood with ridiculously inflated salaries that don't contribute anything worthwhile to teaching.
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Boards are long and hard and made of wood. - Mark Twain
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:52 am

cthia
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Perfection, is knowing that humans, are not.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Nov 21, 2014 10:56 am

cthia
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My now 13-yr-old niece is a riot. We were skyping this morning.
"Hello Princess. Where's sis?"

"Hi Uncle! Her MO puts her at interrogating the coffee maker."

"I know! Funny, she hates beans cause it gives her gas. But she only drinks coffee from beans."

"And that gives her gas too. She runs around chasing her keys that are always in her purse!"

" :lol: "

" :lol: "

"You know Uncle. It just now came to me why aliens kidnap humans. They're after the caffeine in the blood."

" :lol: "

" :lol: "

"Uncle, I wonder if Mexican jumping beans are related to coffee beans? The poor worm is jumped up on caffeine!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

My niece and I don't drink the stuff. We poke fun at everyone who does. And Coffee-Puns"R"Us.

You can't whistle around a coffee drinker. They'll think the pot is ready.


The Wicked Witch of the West could have used some Maxwell in her House.


World War III will start when some idiot drinks the last cup of coffee.


Over fifty percent of Americans drink coffee. The other half are pouring.

That's not a mean streak. He's trying to siphon coffee from his pores.

A blood test before marriage checks for the presence of caffeine in both.

Drinking hot coffee while driving...

Spain: "Ay, caramba!"
America: "My carambas!"


Dinosaurs were no match for a caveman out of coffee.


Experimental Ebola treatment. Caffeine drip!



.
Last edited by cthia on Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Nov 21, 2014 4:04 pm

cthia
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Together we stand. Divided we fall. If only freedom for one, then bondage for all.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by DDHv   » Fri Nov 21, 2014 11:02 pm

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cthia wrote:
Perfection, is knowing that humans, are not.


GREAT :!: How about:

The question is whether Congress has the guts to exercise its power.
or same source:

Seeing as all branches of federal government ignore most of the provisions of the Constitution, I think we can safely say that we've reached the post-Constitution stage of our history. Washington politicians are not to blame. It's the American people who've lost their love and respect for our Constitution. Washington's politicians are simply the agents for that contempt.


Some wise people worked hard and prayed to the Lord (at Benjamin Franklin's suggestion) to make that constitution. Many other nations have had multiple forms of government in the past two centuries; looks like it is our turn soon. :cry:

Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.
And much of history is nasty to live through.

Real freedom allow some people to become good examples, and others to become horrible examples.
Last edited by DDHv on Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Douglas Hvistendahl
Retired technical nerd

Dumb mistakes are very irritating.
Smart mistakes go on forever
Unless you test your assumptions!
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by fallsfromtrees   » Sat Nov 22, 2014 1:21 am

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DDHv wrote:
Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.
And much of history is nasty to live through.

And I have a button that says:
History doesn't always repeat it self - sometimes it screams "Why dont you listen to what I'm saying?" and lets fly with a club
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The only problem with quotes on the internet is that you can't authenticate them -- Abraham Lincoln
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:58 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

DDHv wrote:

Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.
And much of history is nasty to live through.

fallsfromtrees wrote:
And I have a button that says:
History doesn't always repeat it self - sometimes it screams "Why dont you listen to what I'm saying?" and lets fly with a club


Just remember that history is his story.

Significant parts of Native American history is a broken arrow.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Nov 22, 2014 9:28 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The most useful Presidents can be found on currency.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:02 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Certainty that GOD exists burns now in Christians.

Certainty that god exists will burn later in sinners.


Why do people have such a hard time believing in Heaven and Hell when both are found aplenty right here on Earth?

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Nov 22, 2014 3:58 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Do remember that the burden of proof of the Deity is upon the unrepented sinner.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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