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Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies

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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 5:53 am

cthia
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Right before going on stage, people are either given encouragement by "Break a leg," or "Knock 'em dead."

As if self-mutilation or mass murder prevents a bad review.

Besides, if a broken leg was ever a guarantee for a brilliant performance, then why not break two, that's certain to bring the house down, knocking 'em dead, killing two birds with two bones.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 6:09 am

cthia
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Should it be the "headless horseman," or the "horseless headsman?"

Only the head'll be concerned. It's horseshit to think the horse will.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 6:16 am

cthia
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A roaring success is something that is very successful. Back in grade school when I was sneaking into my gf's bedroom late at night could have been fatal, if it had been a roaring success. Yet, it was.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 6:25 am

cthia
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Why don't you and I bury the hatchett.
:o
What?! Nooo! Let's not!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by Daryl   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:18 am

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Calling for Ralph.
Playing the porcelain trumpet.


cthia wrote:Very very drunk.
Tore up from the floor up.


When you're puking in the commode, is that like talking shit, confessions to a commode, or did someone flush a guy named Ralph?

And is it called a commode because it's a mode of com-munication?
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:43 am

cthia
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For years everyone worried that the Crockodile Hunter would be claimed by a Croc, or any one of the other dangerous and aggressive creatures that he handled. Who would have thought that it was going to be a creature, for the most part, considered docile and relatively safe for humans.

There are tanks set up over the world where kids can rub a stingray. It is thought that the biggest danger posed by a stingray is while accidentally stepping on one buried in the sand.

http://youtu.be/wUfu73MxiC8
I loved that show.

One of life's ironies and tragedies.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:46 am

cthia
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Why does "you're a two-bit thief" sound suspiciously like encouragement?

If I'm ever the victim of a burglary, I hope it's at the hands of a two-bit thief.

Two-bits is 25 cents, by the way.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by PeterZ   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 11:29 am

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cthia wrote:Why does "you're a two-bit thief" sound suspiciously like encouragement?

If I'm ever the victim of a burglary, I hope it's at the hands of a two-bit thief.

Two-bits is 25 cents, by the way.


Ah! but if that two-bit thief steals enough items worth two-bits, you would be broke.
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 12:06 pm

cthia
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PeterZ wrote:
cthia wrote:Why does "you're a two-bit thief" sound suspiciously like encouragement?

If I'm ever the victim of a burglary, I hope it's at the hands of a two-bit thief.

Two-bits is 25 cents, by the way.


Ah! but if that two-bit thief steals enough items worth two-bits, you would be broke.

I see what you're getting at. Perhaps if I owned a business selling two-bit widgets, I suppose he could. But then he'd have to take boxes or cases or truckloads, which wouldn't be two-bits.

If he burglarized all of my three homes and took everything worth two-bits it wouldn't hurt my bank account or portfolio. Even if he did it a 1000 times. It'd only annoy the hell out of me.

If he took just one of several other items, he could retire and be a rich thief.

My favorite niece drew me a very special picture when she was in kindergarten. It hangs on my wall amongst several quite valuable others. It is worth less than two-bits, but of all the paintings ... It is priceless.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Ironies, Redundancies, Life & Language Inconsistencies
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 18, 2014 12:23 pm

cthia
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A motorist is unsafely speeding. An officer gives chase spurring him on to greater and yet greater hazardous speeds. The chase even prompts the motorist into making very unsafe maneuvers in an attempt to elude the officer. Now we've got two or more idiots going much faster than the original.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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