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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by pokermind » Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:34 am | |
pokermind
Posts: 4002
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Mange, <Another chief joke:
<As a crowded civilian shuttle is about to take-off, the peace is suddenly shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. <Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of a Royal Manticorian Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle. Stopping the frustrated mother’s upraised hand, the white haired, courtly, soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his shoulder, whispers something into the boy’s ear. <Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendents touches his sleeve. “Excuse me Chief”, she asks quietly, “could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?” <The Chief smiled serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my shoulder patches, service stripes, and battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to space one passenger out of the airlock.”> Chief Poker & Mange Edited to remove coffee mug art and comments. Last edited by pokermind on Fri Oct 03, 2014 7:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
CPO Poker Mind and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.
"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART. |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by stewart » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:28 am | |
stewart
Posts: 715
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From the Darwin Awards …..
India zoo gains a meal, loses a patron... (23 September 2014, India) Life of Pi move over, Maqsood has a tale to tell. This 19-year-old factory worker joined a White tiger for lunch yesterday in the cat's Delhi zoo home. After being cautioned twice to not climb over the fence enclosing the tiger enclosure, Maqsood climbed over the fence a third time and then swam across the moat over to Tiger Island. Never pet a kitty that isn't yours. The White tiger "went tiger" on the intruder and mauled him to death, subsequently dragging the body around the island for two hours until the animal was finally scared into a cave and the body was retrieved. From “At All Costs” "Well, Sir Thomas," Honor said cheerfully, "if you want something to give you real nightmares, you might consider that hexapumas -- which, you know, are just a little bigger -- have exactly the same sort of claws. Of course, their claws tend to be eight or nine centimeters long. Which is why we Sphinxians never go into the bush unarmed." "Your Grace," Caparelli said, "if I were a Sphinxian and knew about hexapuma claws, I wouldn't go into the bush at all!" "We do lose the occasional tourist," she said, straight-faced. |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by stewart » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:31 am | |
stewart
Posts: 715
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HAVE YOU HEARD: How to know when you are in the presence of a 'Real Chief Petty Officer':
* The CHIEF doesn't sleep with a night light. The CHIEF isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the CHIEF. * The CHIEF's tears can cure cancer. * The CHIEF once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now simply called The Islands. * The CHIEF has counted to infinity . . . twice! * The CHIEF frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own. * Superman owns a pair of CHIEF pajamas. * The CHIEF has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself. * If the CHIEF is late, then time had damn well better slow down. * The CHIEF actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. * The CHIEF refers to himself in the fourth person. * The CHIEF can divide by zero. * If the CHIEF ever calls your house, be in! * The CHIEF doesn't leave messages; he leaves warnings. * The CHIEF can slam a revolving door. * The CHIEF was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run. * When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the CHIEF. * When the CHIEF exercises, the machine gets stronger. * Bullets dodge the CHIEF. * The CHIEF once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. . . once. * The first lunar eclipse took place after the CHIEF challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first. * The REAL CHIEF never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness. |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by stewart » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:37 am | |
stewart
Posts: 715
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US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy machine, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!" ______________________ Signature ______________________ Date |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by stewart » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:39 am | |
stewart
Posts: 715
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US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!" ____________________ Signature ____________________ Date |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by stewart » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:40 am | |
stewart
Posts: 715
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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear...uhhhh....high-and-tight...grunt...cammies...kill...fix bayonets...charge...slash...dig...burn...blowup...ugh...Air Force women...beer...sailors wives...air strikes...yes SIR!...whiskey...liberty call...salute...Ooorah Gunny!...grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!" ____________________ Thumb Print ____________________ Teeth Marks ____________________ Date |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by pokermind » Fri Oct 03, 2014 7:13 am | |
pokermind
Posts: 4002
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Mange, <The Chief once made a freight train take a dirt road.
<There is no theory of evolution. Just animals that the Chief allows to live. <If you have $5 and the Chief had $5, the Chief has $10. <The Chief once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. <On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chief re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor. They still owe him a beer.> Chief, "Envious are we, you six limbed walking flea circus? Why not cough up a hair ball might be just as funny!" Poker & Mange CPO Poker Mind and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.
"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART. |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by dreamrider » Sat Oct 04, 2014 5:50 am | |
dreamrider
Posts: 1108
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It is, of course, axiomatic that treecats never get hung. Too hard to find, too hard to catch, and waaay to many friends.
dreamrider |
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by lyonheart » Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:01 pm | |
lyonheart
Posts: 4853
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Hi Pokermind,
Why July 19, 1999? Just curious for personal reasons. L
Any snippet or post from RFC is good if not great!
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof. | |
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by dreamrider » Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:04 pm | |
dreamrider
Posts: 1108
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I checked Wikipedia 1999 - Year in Science, and there was nothing for that date.
dreamrider |
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