Topic Actions

Topic Search

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

Self proclaimed one-liners

For anyone who might want to have a side conversation...you're welcome here!
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 28, 2014 3:53 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My 12 yr-old niece to her mother's friend who just served her wholeass of a husband with divorce papers and was in tears ...
People get a divorce because being in love is like being stranded on a row boat in the middle of a river — each with a paddle; the only chance of making it ashore is to row together or knock the hell out of your insignificant other and take his oar.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:42 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Scientists have determined that cats see color, if not quite the way we do. That being true, I have never understood how an orange cat can hunker down in green grass and think he's foolin' anybody.

If you ran a business the way they run the government, you would either be in the poorhouse or jail within six months.

Will Rogers wrote:It's not what you don't know that gets you in trouble; it's what you know that ain't so.
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Hutch   » Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:17 am

Hutch
Vice Admiral

Posts: 1831
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:40 pm
Location: Huntsville, Alabama y'all

Probably the one I use here on about half of my posts.

IMHO always. YMMV.

(which, for those that don't read acronyms, is "Im my humble opinion, of course. Your mileage may vary.")
***********************************************
No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow.

What? Look, somebody's got to have some damn perspective around here! Boom. Sooner or later. BOOM! -LT. Cmdr. Susan Ivanova, Babylon 5
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:29 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

I used to live on a farm. I know what bullshit smells like.

For those idiots that just SIT there after the light turns:
That's as green as it's gonna get!
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by pokermind   » Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:47 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Hmm one of mine on driving among idiots,

That joker must have gotten his license from a cracker Jack box!


Now that I'm legally blind, no longer drive, but as a passenger:

I'm blind. and I could drive better than that joker!


Poker
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:51 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Sloooow drivers:
My grandma drives faster than you and she's been buried for 20 years!

Old slooooooow drivers:
Hey! At your age, you got no time to waste!
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:54 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Oh! The ones that do something right in front of a sign that says not to do it:
Are you blind, illiterate, or just f---n' STUPID?
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:12 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm


If you are innocent until proven guilty then why are you locked up until proven innocent?

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:15 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My niece to her mother.
"Tierney, have you seen my keys?"

"Mom, I have as hard a time keeping up with your keys as you do."

I'm still laughing at that one. :lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
Top
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:36 am

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

A successful compromise is one that pisses everybody off equally.

This country is an ocean liner sinking under the collective weight of the passengers' baggage; but, as the water washes around their legs, each one is grimly determined to fight to the death to prevent any of their own bags from being thrown overboard.
Top

Return to Free-Range Topics...