Non-Honorverse one-liners

Daryl wrote:"He was a scrawny calf, and kinda woosy, no one suspected he was packin a UZi" - Cows with Guns - Don Dementio

I'll see your Cows With Guns and raise you Dead Puppies:

Puppy died late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall
Dead puppies aren't much fun - The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band

Erin Brockovich

Do they teach beauty queens to apologize? Because you suck at it.

I do love this movie. And Julia Roberts ...

Some people were just born to act. Even if they didn't decide to give it a go until their brother (Eric Roberts) saw success.

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane wrote:Lt. Amos: Two words. "Disco Express."
Ford Fairlane: Disco Express? They blew dog. And that lead singer, he kinda looked like...
Lt. Amos: Like ME, right?
Ford Fairlane: Yeah. I was gonna say he looked like shit, but... he looked like you.
---
After knocking a villain off a building onto a piano
Ford Fairlane: Say hello to Liberace, asshole!
---
Don Cleveland: You got to shave before you leave the house in a dress like that... and I don't mean your legs.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension wrote:Mission Control: Buckaroo, The White House wants to know is everything ok with the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should we just go ahead and destroy Russia?
Buckaroo Banzai: Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Mission Control: Which one was yes, go ahead and destroy Russia... or number 2?
---
Perfect Tommy: Pictures don't lie.
Reno: The hell they don't. I met my first wife that way.
---
Buckaroo Banzai: You remind me of someone I once knew.
Penny Priddy: Was she... very beautiful?
Buckaroo Banzai: She was... the Queen of the Netherlands

ST:TNG, S04E20 - Qpid wrote:Q has made Enterprise bridge crew into Robin Hood and his merry men
Lt. Worf: I protest Sir, I'm not a merry man!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1Y5KsEptTY

Groundhog Day wrote:Phil: Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.
---
Rita: Do you ever have déjà vu?
Phil: Didn't you just ask me that?
---
Phil: Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?
Mrs. Lancaster: I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Stephen Hawking wrote:The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.

Albert Einstein wrote:Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Then there are all the hilarious deadpan comments from Colonel Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG-1, most of them can be found here.

And one of my favorites:

Unknown wrote:Any community that gets its laughs by pretending to be idiots will eventually be flooded by actual idiots who believe they're in good company.

The High Chaparral
Spoken by Johnny Rondo played by Steve Forrest

Measured against big lonesome, a man seems mighty small.

IMHO, the best damn western episode from any tv series, hands down. Unless you gonna draw that gun ... just remember son ...

"The Guns of Johnny Rondo"
Sung by Faron Young
Words and Music by Joe Lubin, Gerry Day, and Harry Sukman

Oh, Johnny Rondo and his son
Both headin’ west without a gun.
Our Johnny vowed he’d kill no more.
Hey, what you gonna do when they challenge you
Without your guns, Johnny Rondo?

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Sixteen holes in sixteen souls from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Sixteen holes in sixteen souls from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

They rode the hills, the Brothers Tate,
Released from jail all filled with hate.
Our Johnny shot their brother, Joe.
Hey, what you gonna do when they challenge you, Johnny Rondo?

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Hey, what you gonna do when they find you without your guns, poor Johnny Rondo?

A man has time to dream and when he’s done his job
He get’s to thinkin’ of a past, of a lynching mob.
He thinks of a boy ‘bout when he was just half his age,
Of a circuit judge, a prison, and a cold, cold, cold, cold cage.

The Brothers swore to track him down
And so they rode from town to town,
Over mountains high, through valleys low.
Hey, what you gonna do when they face you
Without your guns, oh Johnny Rondo?

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Sixteen holes in sixteen souls from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Sixteen holes in sixteen souls from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

A girl named Mary Ann came into Johnny’s life.
They fell in love. They were wed and were man and wife.
Though she knew the life he led, he didn’t know in town
A gunman’s bullet meant for him would shoot sweet Mary Ann down.

In Tubac town they found a guy.
They asked if Johnny had been by.
They threatened poor old Amos Brill.
So what you gonna do? Better tell them the truth
Or you’ll end up on top of Boot Hill.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo
Hey, what you gonna do when they face you without your guns, oh Johnny Rondo?

It all began the day big Vince McGrawly came
And put young Johnny Rondo’s mom to an awful shame.
Though a half-grown boy, one night poor Johnny rode to town
And for the first time killed a man when he shot McGrawly down.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
When you fool with lust, you bite the dust from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Sixteen holes in sixteen souls from the guns of Johnny Rondo.

The brothers rode to Tucson fast.
They crossed the desert wide and vast.
Tho Johnny vowed to kill no more
Hey, what you gonna do when they challenge you
Without your guns, Johnny Rondo?

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Will you wear a gun or start to run when they all come? Poor Johnny Rondo.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
That was long ago. Are your hands too slow to beat draw, Johnny Rondo?

When Johnny faced the Brothers Tate
He wore his guns and tempted fate.
Our Johnny vowed he’d kill no more
And like he said no blood was shed
When he beat Jed to the draw

Yes, like he said no blood was shed from the cold steel lead of Johnny Rondo.

A man has time to dream and when he’s done his job
He get’s to thinkin of a past, of a lynching mob.
He thinks of a boy ‘bout when he was just half his age,
Of a circuit judge, a prison and a cold, cold, cold, cold cage.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Now it’s over and done. You don’t need a gun.
You’re headin’ west with your son, Johnny Rondo.

Sixteen tried and sixteen died at the hands of Johnny Rondo.
Now it’s over and done. You don’t need a gun.
You’re headin’ west with your son, Johnny Rondo.

Johnny Rondo! Johnny Rondo!

http://youtu.be/R9fpv0w66cg

A Touch of Cloth III

DCI Jack Cloth to the paramedics:
"Make sure she gets the best medical care the state can provide, I'll pay - out of my taxes."

Billy Jean King

Pressure is a privilege.

And in memorium to his death, some parting lines from the comedian Robin Williams.....

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

You're only given a little spark of madness, and if you lose that, you're nothing

Hutch wrote:And in memorium to his death, some parting lines from the comedian Robin Williams.....

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

You're only given a little spark of madness, and if you lose that, you're nothing

Wow. I can almost hear his voice.

At the end of Hook:

[Annoying co-worker calls him on the cell phone YET AGAIN]
"Have you ever wondered what it feels like to fly?"
[Throws the phone out the window]

Quagmire, Family Guy

When I go out to a club, I'm not trying to be a girl's Prince Charming; I'm trying to be the guy she made a mistake with last night.

Robin Williams

The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.