Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Michael Everett wrote:A quick attempt to change a well-known song.

I am the very model of a Manty naval admiral
I've information strategic, diplomat, and tactical,
I know the kings of Manticore, and I quote the fights historical
From Basilisk up to Lovat, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters strategic, diplomat, and tactical,
I am the very model of a Manty naval admiral.

I know our ancient history, From Landing to the Mesan plots
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell true Akimotos from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters strategic, diplomat, and tactical,
I am the very model of a Manty naval admiral.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a viper missile from a Javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy –
You'll say a better naval admiral has never sat a gee
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters strategic, diplomacy, and tactical,
I am the very model of a Manty naval admiral.

The Beowulfian Ladies:
By CPO Poker Mind and SCF Mangy Fur

Sung to the tune of of the traditional British sea shanty Spanish Ladies, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZfYtCLA23s

Farewell and adieu to you, Beowulfian Ladies,
Farewell and adieu to you, ladies of Beowulf;
For we've received orders for to sail for old Manticore,
But we hope in a short time to see you once more.

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

We hove our ship to with the worm hole sou'west, boys
We hove our ship to, deep sorrow at the sight;
'Twas forty-five days since the treacherous attack,
So we squared our shoulders revenge for to take.

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

The first land we sighted was the ruin of Hephaestus,
The Ruin of Yalta Crossing, Black Water Clan and, Treecat innocence;
We sailed by smoking Hephaestus, by the ruined yards, and O'l Landing
We assumed stationary orbit over Old Landing to await the Bastards.

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

Then the signal was made for the grand fleet to fight,
And all hoped the enemy would surrender in the light,
But the missiles let go and ours in answer in a show stopper,
All spacers must cry at the carnage, the wrecked fleet a sight,

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

Now the Solies thought they'd easily destroy
us by coming at our back through Beowulf
Dame Alice led us chasing the Solies out
So its hello again you fair Beowulfian ladies

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

Now let ev'ry man drink off his full bumper,
And let ev'ry man drink off his full glass;
We'll drink and be jolly and drown melancholy,
And here's to the health of each true-hearted lass. (or 'soul')

We will rant and we'll roar like true Manti spacers,
We'll rant and we'll roar all across space once more.
Until we strike in the orbit of old Manticore;
From Beowulf to Sphinx is a hundred light years and more.

************Honor at the Bat***********

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickly silence fell on most the ships that had remain'd.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally — Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But 'Keon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor — mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'Of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike one," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger — turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, strike two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall — mighty Honor struck them out.

In New Berlin There Lived a Maid

By Poker & Mange

In New Berlin there lived a maid
Mark you well what I say!
In New Berlin there lives a maid,
And this fair maid my trust betrayed.

Chorus:

I'll go no more a rovin, with you fair maid.
A roving, A roving, since roving's been my ru-i-in,
I'll go no more a roving, with you fair maid.

Her eyes are like two stars so bright
Mark you well what I say
Her eyes are like two stars so bright,
Her face is fair, her step is light.

Chorus

I asked this fair maid to take a walk,
Mark well what I do say
I asked this maid out for a walk
That we might have some private talk.

Chorus

Then I took this fair maid's lily white hand,
Mark well what I do say
I took this fair maid's lily white hand
In mine as we walked along the strand.

Chorus

Then I put my arm around her waist
Mark well what I do say!
For I put my arm around her waist
And from her lips snatched a kiss in haste!

Chorus

Then a great big Andermani rammed my bow
Mark well what I do say
For a great big Andermani rammed my bow,
And said, "Junger Mann, das ist meine Frau!"

Chorus

Then take warning boys, from me,
Mark well what I do say!
So take a warning, boys, from me,
With other men's wives don't make too free.

Chorus

For if you do you will surely rue
Mark well what I do say!
For if you do you will surely rue
Your act, and find my words come true.

Chorus

pokermind wrote:Chief, "I like."

Mange, <So do I. How about one with a treecat, 'A Treecat Named Nimitz' with apologies to Johnny Cash's 'Boy named Sue,' perhaps?>

I am the very model of a Solly naval Admiral
I've information bureaucratic and also diplomatical,
I know the solar presidents, I quote battles all historical
Right up to Farleys Crossing in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with favours gained and favours owed,
I understand the infighting, I edit what my record showed
As for Neo-barbarians, I really couldn’t give a damn
The Solly Navy is the best and the best is what I am

I'm very good at knowing when to look close or the other way
I know the secret facts that make my career really pay
In short, in matters bureaucrat and also diplomatical,
I am the very model of a Solly naval Admiral

I know our glorious history, From Founding to the modern day
I eat the finest of the foods, go to watch every new play,
My mistresses are many and I also have a trophy wife
For the Solly navy this is an understated life

The League it is the greatest, the kingdom of Manticore,
Is a barbaric little jumped up, arrogant unpleasant bore
A nation of traders with no real airs and graces
And it is almost time to put them in their places

My bank balance is growing, my reputation spreading far
I own ethe most expensive model of new air car
In short, in matters bureaucrat and also diplomatical,
I am the very model of a Solly naval Admiral

My Superdreadnaught Squadron, twelve ships all nice and neat,
Are ready to head out on a mission with a massive fleet
Across the Hyper limit, Raging Justice and elan
Wait, our ships have gone and we give up, this did not go to our plan

Now I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
Now I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery,
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
I’ll fight again and they will say I am the champion of the free

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters bureaucrat and also diplomatical,
I am the very model of a Solly naval Admiral!

cthia wrote::roll: In the words of Soul of Steel, "Oh what the hell, I like a good challenge."

Parody of Casey at the Bat.

************Honor at the Bat***********

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickly silence fell on most the ships that had remain'd.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally — Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits with Honor at the bat.
But Chin proceeded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor's getting to the bat.
But 'Keon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor—mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,'
If Third fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike one," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, strike two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool in Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall— mighty Honor struck them out.

Edit: Aesthetics, punctuation. Added a verse.
.