He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter [footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].
A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.
Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.
'They never give him any of the things a sensitive growing wossname really needs, if you was to ask me.'
'What, you mean love and guidance?' said Rincewind.
'I was thinking of a bloody good wossname, thrashing.' said the parrot.
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleaning, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
Much human ingenuity has gone into finding the ultimate Before.
The current state of knowledge can be summarized thus:
In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded.
Other theories about the ultimate start involve gods creating the universe out of the ribs, entrails and testicles of their father.† There are quite a lot of these. They are interesting, not for what they tell you about cosmology, but for what they say about people. Hey, kids, which part do you think they made your town out of?
† Gods like a joke as much as anyone else.
He could think in italics. Such people need watching.
Preferably from a safe distance.
The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery, whereas Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving.
When you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, 'Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!' or 'Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!'
When someone is saved from certain death by a strange concatenation of circumstances, they say that's a miracle. But of course, if someone is killed by a freak chain of events — the oil spill just there, the safety fence broken just there — that must also be a miracle. Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.
Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, 'What happens if I do this?'
What is so surprising about bacon?
'I don't know. I suppose it comes as something of a shock to the pig.'
And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.
Today is a good day for someone else to die! -
Dwarfish warcry
Slab: Jus' say "AarrghaarrghpleeassennononoUGH"- [Detritus' war on drugs]
What a mess the world was in, reflected Vimes. Constable Visit had told him that the meek would inherit it, and what had the poor devils done to deserve that?
'And there's the sign, Ridcully,' said the Dean. You have read it, I assume. You know? The sign which says "Do not, under any circumstances, open this door"?'
'Of course I've read it,' said Ridcully. 'Why d'yer think I want it opened?'
'Er...why?' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
'To see why they wanted it shut, of course.'†
† This exchange contains almost all you need to know about human civilisation. At least, those bits of it that are now under the sea, fenced off or still smoking.
Putting up a statue to someone who tried to stop a war is not very, um, statuesque. Of course, if you had butchered five hundred of your own men out of arrogant carelessness, we'd be melting the bronze already.
The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.
It is always useful to have an enemy who is prepared to die for his country, this means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.
Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn't always beat actual thought.
Sam Vimes could parallel-process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases, such as 'and they can deliver it tomorrow' or 'so I've invited them for dinner' or 'they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply'.
He was aware that a wise man should always respect the folkways of others, to use Carrot's happy phrase, but Vimes often had difficulty with this idea. For one thing, there were people in the world whose folkways consisted of gutting other people like clams and this was not a procedure that commanded, in Vimes, any kind of respect at all.
Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.
When you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back.
Susan stopped. Of course someone would be that stupid. Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
Rule One: Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man!
The interests of Ankh-Morpork are the interests of all money-lov — oops, sorry, all freedom-loving people everywhere.
Lieutenant Blouse was standing in the middle of the floor in his breeches and shirtsleeves, holding a sabre. Polly was no expert in these matters, but she thought she recognised the stylish, flamboyant pose as the one beginners tend to use just before they're stabbed through the heart by a more experienced fighter.
After all, what could a master criminal buy? There was a shortage of seaside properties with real lava flows near a reliable source of piranhas...
What sort of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
It was amazing, he thought, how people would argue against figures on no better basis than "they must be wrong".
Sorry about the length of this post but there is a lot of excellent material to work through
and finally the motto of the Ankh-Morpork Times "The Truth Will Make You Fret" (Misprint)
