Mourning Star Wars - Leaks Destroy Hope.

As many of you may already know, Episode 9 - Rise of Skywalker has been in trouble for a while with re-shoots, re-writes and re-cuts galore.
Never a good sign.
The Preview Test Screening also seems to have gone badly with part of the Audience walking out mid-film.
Really not a good sign.
The question is... WTF is going on?

1 - Sheev Palpatine (Darth Sidious) is back (confirmed).
-Palpatine used clones to fake his death at Endor and spent the next 30+ years building his Death Destroyer Fleet for his comeback (unconfirmed but fits with the trailer, also removes any meaning from Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker's sacrifice in Episode 6)

2 - The film will kill off Leia, Lando, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C-3PO via the Falcon being destroyed (unconfirmed but possible given the "Kill the past" message of Ep8)
- It takes the death of Kylo Ren at Palpatine's hands to anger Rey to the point that she defeats Palpatine via channeling every Jedi before her (...whatisthisidon'teven) (it would clear the way for the new characters and we have the Rogue One precedent... this could happen... shit)

3 - The First Order does a mass heel-face turn and joins with the Resistance when they discover they have been played as cats-paws/decoy, keeping attention away from Palpy's new super-fleet (sadly plausible even though many of the First Order seem to be in it for the powerz/for the evulz).
- Palpatine, despite being ancient and in a life support chair, uses Force Lightning to destroy most of the Resistance/Order fleet to clear the way for his own remote-controlled ships (oh my god, who wrote this?)
- Rey defeats Palpy and uses Force Lightning to destroy most of the Sith Death Destroyer fleet, thus letting the remaining Resistance/First Order ships finish the job (Given Kathleen Kennedy GIRL POWER IS EVERYTHING is still in charge, this could happen... double shit).

4 - Disney decided not to use the Lucas Cut, hence points 1 - 3 (seems legit, it's the type of screw-up a huge company would make due to internal politics overcoming real-world concerns).

There are more leaks of varying quality/reliability, but at the moment, this seems to be the generally-accepted consensus of what is going to hit the cinema.
In much the same way that the midden will hit the windmill.

If this is even partially correct, I will not only avoid going to see it at the cinema, I will consider episodes 7 - 9 non-canon (as opposed to the two Ewok film which are officially canon and set at around the same time/just after Episode 5).
Sadly, it looks like Disney is about to release a film that looks like it was based on the a fanfic written by a hormonal thirteen-year-old...
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there are no words...

Michael Everett wrote:there are no words...

Oh, there are words, but only a few, and they become dull with repetition. I hear Russian has some really satisfying Naughty Words, how about it, Dilandu?

For now I can only repeat what I said earlier: They made Star Wars suck! That takes ANTI-talent!
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Vordarian: "What? You're a Betan! You can't do—"

Imaginos1892 wrote:

Michael Everett wrote:there are no words...

Oh, there are words, but only a few, and they become dull with repetition. I hear Russian has some really satisfying Naughty Words, how about it, Dilandu?

For now I can only repeat what I said earlier: They made Star Wars suck! That takes ANTI-talent!
———————————
Vordarian: "What? You're a Betan! You can't do—"

I was once able to actually curse in Russian, Arabic and Hebrew.

...and apparently the film got finished yesterday, so it's in its final form, with crawler-track catapult bikes for Jet Troopers (oh god, I wish I was making that part up...).

Final form... sounds like a Dragonball reference...

But as a result, the novelization is apparently due out in March.
Chance of going to watch it... getting lower.

Darn it, Disney...

Imaginos1892 wrote:Oh, there are words, but only a few, and they become dull with repetition. I hear Russian has some really satisfying Naughty Words, how about it, Dilandu?

...I'm too depressed by all this to use them...

When I finally saw Rogue One on cable TV, it was actually thought provoking but profoundly depressing.

I have not bothered with any of the recent Marvel or DC movies. This includes Aquiman that features Gul Gadot. I confess that my image of Wonder Woman will always be Linda Carter.

...aaaaaaand a pretty strong rumor is going round that Rian Johnson is going to get a full trilogy of Star Wars films to play with despite how he screwed up Episode 8, mainly because he's done a non-sci-fi film since (Knives Out) which has opened well.

... and I thought I was despairing before...

Another reason I do not go to movies.... I will just reread some of my favorite authors; ie mainly David Weber and others. Movies are a waste of money better spent on my favorite author's books.

Michael Everett wrote:...aaaaaaand a pretty strong rumor is going round that Rian Johnson is going to get a full trilogy of Star Wars films to play with despite how he screwed up Episode 8, mainly because he's done a non-sci-fi film since (Knives Out) which has opened well.

... and I thought I was despairing before...

I too find it depressing that we have to wait years to get more Star Wars from a director who has actually thought about what Star Wars is, what its messages and themes were and are, and what they could be beyond just a vehicle for thrill rides and merchandising.

The Last Jedi is, together with Rogue One, the best Star Wars has ever been.

The E wrote:The Last Jedi is, together with Rogue One, the best Star Wars has ever been.

And is also being used as an example of how not to write a screenplay.
See a discussion about it here.

The Last Jedi - A film about sentencing animals to a long, slow death from starvation, stealth systems which fail to cover the visual spectrum, running out of fuel, failing to communicate, making bad personnel decisions and fight scenes so useless that they require stuntmen to aim for the weapons being held out as targets by the "heroes" between doing useless spins.
But hey, at least the ladies got to see John Boyega in a transparent suit...