cthia wrote:Daryl wrote:
Probably half the human beings alive today came from unplanned pregnancies. Call it an accident, contraception failure, earlier than intended, result of a drunken encounter, just what happened; we all seem to handle it well. Obviously those alive were wanted as abortion has always been available either legally or not. If someone is upset about being told that their conception was accidental, then they need to accept it and get on with their lives.
You very well may be correct on the statistics. But I seriously doubt that the majority of that half will ever find out the circumstances of their conception, partly because of Rose's point that unplanned doesn't necessarily mean unwanted; moreover,
initially unwanted does not necessarily prevent
ultimately loved. I know a couple who
wanted only one child, eventually. But didn't
plan on the triplets, that broken contraceptive delivered. Their parents often tell the story. What they said they didn't want, is the many boys (me included) that came to court their three beautiful daughters. They were telling this story in High School, but it was no question that these kids were thoroughly loved.
Additionally, an awful parent often manifests itself long before knowledge of being unwanted or unplanned, and that the actual knowledge forthcoming may be the least of the child's problems. In some cases, I can conceive of the knowledge actually being welcome to the child — to explain their horrible parent(s)' actions to be the result of their own problem, and nothing personal.
What's important, is the level of love these kids are given before they are ever told, and the relationship between parent(s) and child — and whether the child was informed with malice; then it possibly becomes a birth defect.
It also depends on the emotional state of the child. It is easier for someone else to suggest to them to move beyond it, but may never understand their emotional or psychological state, or life's circumstances that contributed, or the many hours of trauma subjected upon them by resentful parents.
One thing I think we can all agree upon, is revelation should come from the parent(s) with love, and not from a mean kid in school that heard it thru the grapevine.
I simply cannot dispel my feelings of empathy toward negative assimilation of a child's knowledge that they were an accident, simply because I
know the warm feeling it brings absolutely knowing that I was planned and wanted. Both of my parents wanted lots of children. I have 5 brothers and 5 sisters, 11 of us. My mother's only regret was that her obligations prevented her from having more! My father's sentiments were to please his wife, and he often joked that he wouldn't have had it any other way, because eventually we were the ones in trouble, and not him, and that having many kids eventually meant less work for him!
It is just a wonderfully warm feeling knowing that you were both wanted and loved. We all argue over who was my mother's favorite. She was just that loving. However, us boys know for a fact that my sisters were my father's favorite. It is hard not to love those girls. Extraordinarily beautiful and sweet as honey.
