Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

waddles for desert wrote:

AdmiralStarNight wrote:Hamish was complaining to Emily the other day that he wasn't getting any respect from anyone anymore. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read:

"I'm the boss and you're not!"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when Hamishg returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Which wife?

Or does it matter?

(Witch wife?)

Does it really matter? Both wives would be deserving of that sign.

But it emplied Emily, which, as you know, is the actual head of the Alexander-Harrington household.

Story:

After a long day of meetings groundside on Manticore, Thomas Theisman, Lester Tourville, and Eloise Pritchart were all offered rooms at White Haven. They graciously accepted and had some things from their ship sent down for the night.

Everyone had a good time relaxing and discussing things with their treecats. Soon it was time for evryone to get some sleep and the Havenites disappeared, with their treecats, and went to bed.

When everyone wakes up, both Manticorans and Havenites, they notice their treecats missing from where they had fallen asleep in their rooms. Their guards, including Spencer Hawke stayed outside the hallway for the guests and hosts.

Puzzled but not worried everyone starts to get ready.

Thats when they notice....

Within Honor's/Hamish's room there a Havenite uniform that belongs to an Admiral and some civilian clothes which are for a female of Havenite orgins.

In Thomas's room there is a RMN unifrom and a white beret.

In Eloise's room there is a set of civilian clothes which are obviously for a man who is in the HOuse of Lords.

All four of them puzzled, and in pajamas meet together in the hall way and exchange clothes and puzzled good morning.

"Which one of our treecats planned this?" Hamish asked.

"Nimitz maybe?" Thomas says, "Or maybe Sharp Claw?"

They all shrug and go put on their clothes and come back and go to a dining room to eat a truely wonderful breakfast.

But they notice Lester Tourville is missing and start to ask MacGuiness where he was, when said Admiral suddenly appears with Lurks on his shoulder.

"Lester! Where have you been?" Thomas asked, more confused then angry.

"Oh well Sir. I just woke up and I put on my shirt and tunic as usual but I had to get my cigars."

Lurks on Branches flattened his ears in amusement.

"Do you have them now?" Eloise asked.

"Yes, but I had to make a bet to get them back." Lester replied and Hmaish looked questioningly at the Havenite who shrugged.

"I played a game of poker witht he 'cats and made a deal, that if they won, they get to take my cigars and th first round the won. I tried to win them back in the second round but I didn't. The Treecats explained I could only get them back one way..." He trails off, obviously not wanting to continue.

< That he had to get them out of everyone's room after they hid them.> Lurks explained and almost immetitely everyone in the room looks a bit uncomfortable.

"The best part is on round 3 I won, so I made treecats get my cigars back and change around your uniforms." Lester said, then he noticed the rest of the treecats were missing."Where are the little devils anyways."

< In you room, stealing back their money. > Lurks signed as he jumped down to a high chair beside an empty seatand everyone else laughed as Lester rushed out of th room.

<Good one StarNight, though I doubt even you could do it a second time. >

"Don't try me Snowfire, How much money did you win from last hours poker game?"

< 1,256 credits. >

"Good, now how much of that game was rigged?"

< Only the first 10 rounds. He quit after 6. >

"Even better! You got any jokes to share?"

<Alright.>

< How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a Sollie? >

"I give, how many?"

< Don't know, none of them have bright ideas so they never work. >

"Not bad for your first time."

< Just hand over the celery and no one gets hurt. >

*Hands over celery.*
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Before everyone got their own treecats.)
Theisman is walking in Landing park when she sees a manticoran Admiral playing chess with his treecat.

Theismans says to him, 'I can't believe what I m seeing, a 'cat that can play chess, that's quite impressive and clever.'

Quick as a flash the Admiral replies, 'No Sir, this 'cat's not clever at all - I'm beating it 6 games to 2.'

Funny treecat quotations:

1."Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this, and somehow treecats have inherited it."

2."There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by treecats."

3. "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe human's keepers."

4. "As every perosn bonded to a 'cat knows, nobody owns a treecat."

5.People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."

6. In a 'cat's eye, all things belong to The People.

7. "I have studied many philosophers and many 'cats. The wisdom of treecats is infinitely superior."

8. "Treecats are rather odd creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."

9. "Treecats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight 'cats to pull a sled through snow."

10. "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and treecats.

Snowfire: < I found #7 quite true. >

"Yeah, you would, furball."

Why do treecats ride on shoulders?
Because they'd look pretty silly on unicycles!
A treecat goes into a spacers bar and pulls out a voder unit. Placing it on the bar, he types in "A quarter-pint of Tillman's."
The barkeeper pours the drink and places it on the bar, saying "That'll be ten dollars please."
The 'cat pays up, drinks the beer and picks up the voder. As he goes, the barkeep says "we don't get many treecats here."
Back comes the reply, "At forty dollars a pint, that doesn't suprise me!"
What do 'cats get for working for the government?
A weekly celery!
A man is walking through the sphinxian bush when he hears a rustling and ducks just as a Hexapuma leaps at him. The 'puma misses and the man escapes. Exactly the same thing happens on the next day and on the third, the man sees a 'cat waiting for him at his door.
<Just so you know> signs the 'cat <I passed a death fang on my way here, it was practicing low jumps>
Why do buddhist treecats refuse anaesthetic when they get their fillings?
Because they can transcend dental medication!
Excerpt from a leaflet handed out by Sphinxian Rangers -
1) Treecats are not pets, do not try to pick one up without its approval.
2) Gravity on Sphinx is 1.35g. Climbing trees is therefore generally not advised without specialist equipment.
3) Rangers know the difference between 'cats and Hexapumas. This means if your guide suddenly starts to run, you should try and keep up.
What do you call a treecat that can teleport between the luggage sections of aircars?
Puss in boots!

--Edited once for spacing reasons. Seriously.--

Snowfire:< Nice jokes Michael. they are quite nice. >

"I enjoyed them too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How many ONI officers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

A man and a woman had sat down next to each on an airplane flight which was from Washington DC to Los Angeles.

The Two both simultaniously pull out A Rising Thunder from their carry ons and realized that they were both Honorverse fans.

So they discussed the series for a while the man decided to try something.

They both put down bets that they couldn't have a functional conversation used only full quotes from any of the Honor Harrington books. The woman agreed.

Before they start, the woman orders a cup of coffee and they settle down to have a long, really nice conversation using only Honorverse quotes.

Towards the end of the conversation, both sides were running out of useable quotes and the woman was paticularly at a lost for words.

Then the airplane hit some turbulance and her coffee was knocked all over the carry on bag of another passenger.

The woman and man both looked at he spill for a second before the woman looked up, with a totaly innocent face and said,
"Oops."

She won.

AdmiralStarNight wrote:Snowfire:< Nice jokes Michael. they are quite nice. >

"I enjoyed them too."

What, all 7 of them?
(There was a reason for the spacing...)
>:-D

Michael Everett wrote:

AdmiralStarNight wrote:Snowfire:< Nice jokes Michael. they are quite nice. >

"I enjoyed them too."

What, all 7 of them?
(There was a reason for the spacing...)
>:-D

Nice, that's what I call trolling in style.

Better keep a close eye on your wallet now or else I'll bribe my own treecat to steal it.

Pokermind isn't the only here with a treecat, you know.
*Evil laugh*

Is planning her revenge.

AdmiralStarNight wrote:

Michael Everett wrote:

AdmiralStarNight wrote:Snowfire:< Nice jokes Michael. they are quite nice. >

"I enjoyed them too."

What, all 7 of them?
(There was a reason for the spacing...)
>:-D

Nice, that's what I call trolling in style.

Better keep a close eye on your wallet now or else I'll bribe my own treecat to steal it.

Pokermind isn't the only here with a treecat, you know.
*Evil laugh*

Is planning her revenge.

Chief, "Nope Admiral StarNight has one, but watch your wallet around her she's an accomplished pickpocket, and she's good at porker even against a Poker Mind. Right, Mam. So I taught her a lesson in mind glow control with a treecat name like pokermind I thought she would have a clue."

Mange, <You forgot to mention she is good looking.>

"Ratings don't say that about Admirals, Mange."

<I wasn't talking about the Admiral, I was talking about her treecat, you dumb two-leg, beautiful light brown coat, a mind glow that could sucker a Sphinxian Chipmunk out of its hole, and a mind voice like clear crystal.>

CPO Poker Mind SOB = Squid On Beach, and Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat First.

Chief, "Quit drooling Mange. I'm sure they will visit Grayson again. Now for our traditional ending, Shave and a Haircut,"

Mange, "Bleek! Bleek!"

PS. To Namelessfly Admiral StarNight dose not do shower scenes for a DOM (Dirty Old Man).