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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Join us in talking discussing all things Honor, including (but not limited to) tactics, favorite characters, and book discussions.
Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Dec 23, 2014 11:36 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

fallsfromtrees wrote:
cthia wrote:
Hydrogen supply ship's registry: HMS Hindenburg.

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=hin ... 669EBE667C

Blustering Captains during battle. "Get those ships in closer! Not you you idiot. Get that Hindenbitch outta here!"

I wonder how many female officers have trouble assuming a parallel parking orbit?

(ouch!)

From this and other threads, you really do like dicing with death, don't you?

Who, lil ole me? Naa, I just easily see and enjoy the humor in life. A smile looks much better on my face than a frown.

Besides, one of my sisters, (who drove a school bus when we were younger as if it were a pinto, dad taught her) constantly remarks when she's driving "Can't you drive woman, you're giving us a bad name?!"

Besides, I'm the guy who volunteers to stand behind a woman, saying "Moan back, moan back. Wooaa! ... STOOOOP!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Yow   » Thu Dec 25, 2014 4:55 am

Yow
Captain (Junior Grade)

Posts: 348
Joined: Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:32 pm
Location: North Carolina, United States

I hope this isn't too salty for you folks

Sailor's Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas a calm night at sea

We nestled in our racks for a Holiday Routine

When from the ventilation there came such a clatter

We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When from the vent fell this big dust covered dude

He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude

Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes

"Don't just d*** stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose form the deck, then he peered all around

Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound

"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name

"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth

He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth

"Now, look here you b*****ds" he said as he strolled

"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!
"
Then he looked down at our boots that lay right near his feat

"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown

"Who the h**l polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark

He even spotted dust bunnies, right there in the dark!

"You've got high dust and low dust, and that overhead it needs cleaning!
"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick

"You'd better sh** me an answer…and SH** ME ONE QUICK!

The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard

"Now look right here sh**birds, this a**hole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This d*** deck it will shine!

I don't want to hear b***hing! I need not hear you whine!
"
So we gathered our foxtales, our buckets, and swabs

We all worked all in silence to finish the job.
It took almost an hour to finish our space

He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face

Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff

"Now this is more like it! Now your not so screwed up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts

But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-sh**s!?"

"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!

Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like eternity until reveille sounded

We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded

But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?

A pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer!
Attached to our new buffer, we found a short note

We all gathered 'round to see what he wrote

"Next year at Christmas, best have all your sh** wired!"

Signed:

Fair Winds

S.C. Clause

BMCM(Retired)

Cthia's father ~ "Son, do not cater to the common belief that a person has to earn respect. That is not true. You should give every person respect right from the start. What a person has to earn is your continued respect!"
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Dec 25, 2014 9:03 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Yow wrote:I hope this isn't too salty for you folks

Sailor's Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas a calm night at sea

We nestled in our racks for a Holiday Routine

When from the ventilation there came such a clatter

We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When from the vent fell this big dust covered dude

He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude

Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes

"Don't just d*** stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose form the deck, then he peered all around

Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound

"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name

"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth

He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth

"Now, look here you b*****ds" he said as he strolled

"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!
"
Then he looked down at our boots that lay right near his feat

"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown

"Who the h**l polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark

He even spotted dust bunnies, right there in the dark!

"You've got high dust and low dust, and that overhead it needs cleaning!
"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick

"You'd better sh** me an answer…and SH** ME ONE QUICK!

The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard

"Now look right here sh**birds, this a**hole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This d*** deck it will shine!

I don't want to hear b***hing! I need not hear you whine!
"
So we gathered our foxtales, our buckets, and swabs

We all worked all in silence to finish the job.
It took almost an hour to finish our space

He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face

Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff

"Now this is more like it! Now your not so screwed up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts

But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-sh**s!?"

"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!

Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like eternity until reveille sounded

We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded

But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?

A pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer!
Attached to our new buffer, we found a short note

We all gathered 'round to see what he wrote

"Next year at Christmas, best have all your sh** wired!"

Signed:

Fair Winds

S.C. Clause

BMCM(Retired)

I don't know about salty, Yow, but it sure is sweet. I enjoyed it tremendously, several times. I let a few of my friends partake of it. And just like I knew, it's going up on "The Board" as we call it now. A huge wall in the mancave of one of my friend's home. Where my "Honor at the Bat" parody found itself.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas Yow!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Dec 27, 2014 12:16 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

There is a miscreant brood of treecats on Grayson hell bent on giving the Keys double trouble as they've ever given Honor.

They call themselves the Ku Klutz Kats!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Wed Dec 31, 2014 6:22 am

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Mange, <What to the Soli two-legs call it when Honor Harrington wins a battle?>

Chief, "OK I'll bite."

<An Honorarium.>

Poker & Mange
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Sat Jan 03, 2015 1:57 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Mange, <What do you get when you cross a two hundred pound body builder and a Death Fang?>

Chief, "I give."

<A little over a hundred pounds of Death Fang Sh**t.> :lol:

"Oh brother, you've been hanging around the Goat Locker too long." :roll:

Poker & Mange
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:29 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Benjamin hasn't quite gotten the knack of communicating with his assigned cat ...

"No no no, Kills For Fun, I said I wanted the Keys to keel over, not kill over!"

"You say potato, I say pototto. You say tomato, I say tomotto. You say kill. I kill. People don't mince words. People mince prey."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:23 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The raid on the MAlign Bolthole has just ended. Nimitz comes back aboard ship and gets a verbal reaming from Honor.

"Nimitz, you're intoxicated. How dare you."

"I am not 'burp' toxicated. People don't drink. I partook nary a drop."

"Well how did you get drunk if you didn't partake?"

"I ate the bad Mesan. He was shitfaced. Is there such a thing as 'burp' second-hand fumes?"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:41 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Apparently many commoners have an inside joke about older peers of the realm who have developed urinary incontinence.

Pee-er of the Realm.


:lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Jan 10, 2015 11:28 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Why were Manty katanas so devastating against RHN LACs?

They were LACtoast intolerant.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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